A Boy In The Library

Today, something small happened, but it stayed with me.

One of the didis who works with us asked for leave. My first response was a simple no. The day was busy, with plenty of work to accomplish. She then said softly, “Ma’am, I need to complete some formalities for my son’s competitive exam.”

Out of curiosity, I asked, “Which exam?”

She said, “Engineering.”

For a moment, I was surprised. And that surprise made me pause. It made me realise that somewhere inside, I had been carrying an assumption about who usually gets to pursue something like engineering.

I asked her where he was taking coaching.

She said very simply, “Ma’am, we cannot afford coaching. He studies online. Our house is small, so every day he goes to the library at 8 in the morning and comes back at 9 in the evening.”

For a few seconds, I had nothing to say.

I could imagine that boy sitting quietly in a library for hours every day. No big coaching institute. No elaborate setup. Just a table, a chair, and the discipline of showing up every single day.

These days, we often say life is extremely competitive. But sometimes I wonder if it really is.

When so many people are busy scrolling endlessly through reels and distractions, perhaps the real competition is actually much smaller — among those who choose to focus.

That boy, sitting somewhere in a quiet library from morning till evening, has already chosen which side he wants to be on.

Interestingly, we are reading The Courage to Be Happy in our MasterClass these days. In one of the conversations, the philosopher says:

“The past doesn’t exist.”

At first, it sounds strange. But maybe it simply means this — what really shapes our story is not what happened before, but what we choose to do now.

Watching that boy in my mind, sitting in a library somewhere and quietly preparing for his dream, that line suddenly makes sense. 

You now decide the past.

Gurdeep Kaur

Cohost Sandeep Dutt’s Masterclass

Why Negate Reward and Punishment?

Masterclass

To read from The Courage To Be Happy by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga, and explore Adlerian psychology’s views on the past, the present, and classroom management.

Key Takeaways

• The Past Is a Narrative: The past is not a fixed reality but a story we construct in the present to align with our current goals and worldview.

• Focus on “What Now?”: The “Triangular Column” model shifts focus from unproductive complaints (“That bad person,” “Poor me”) to the actionable question: “What should I do from now on?”

• Classrooms Are Democracies: Treat classrooms as democratic nations where students are sovereign. Rules must be established by consensus, not dictated, to foster active observance over passive obedience.

• Problem Behaviour Stems from Ignorance: Most problem behaviour is not malicious but stems from a lack of knowledge. The adult’s role is to teach with reason, not to punish with emotion.

Topics

The Past Is a Narrative

• Adlerian psychology asserts that the past is a narrative we construct in the present to serve our current goals.

• Example (Dog Bite): A man’s memory of a dog bite was initially a story of a “perilous world.” As his worldview shifted to a “safe world,” the memory expanded to include a stranger’s help, demonstrating how the present shapes the past.

• Historical Parallel: History itself is a narrative rewritten by the victor to legitimise their power.

The “Triangular Column” Model

• This model visualises the psyche, reframing past problems into actionable steps for the present.

• Sides 1 & 2 (Visible): “That bad person” (blame) and “Poor me” (victimhood).

• Side 3 (Hidden): “What should I do from now on?” (action).

• Purpose: To shift focus from unproductive complaints to constructive, forward-looking action.

Classrooms as Democratic Nations

• The classroom should be a democratic nation where students are sovereign citizens.

• Teacher’s Role: Not a dictator, but a facilitator of consensus.

• Rule-Making: Rules must be established by student consensus. This fosters active observance (“our rules”) over passive obedience (“their rules”).

• Dictatorship Analogy: A teacher who dictates rules creates a “corrupted dictatorship” that invites student rebellion.

Why Negate Reward and Punishment?

• Adlerian psychology argues against both rebuking and praising.

• Rebuking: Ineffective because most problem behaviour stems from ignorance, not malice. The adult’s role is to teach with reason, not to punish with emotion.

• Praising: Creates dependence on external validation, undermining a student’s intrinsic motivation and self-worth.

Next Steps

• Sandeep Dutt: Bookmark for the next session on March 21.

• Group: Discuss the “Five Stages of Problem Behaviour” in the next session.

FATHOM AI-generated notes, read with care.