Trusting the course of one's life - Few days ago I was wondering why does my life not unfold how it's for everyone, the normal course as seen in the life of everyone in society. Somewhere we live comparing ourselves with how things are for others. We never appreciate what is bestowed on us and since we can't appreciate ourselves we can't appreciate the other - we always live in comparisons and always live dissatisfied.
So when in pain and doubt, I had to tell myself, "Trust the course of your life." It's easy these days for me to tell myself this because my life end number of times has proved itself to be beyond my doubts. It's canvas has always been wider and my sight has been limited.
I realized I have trusted my life less when it was investing amazing life circumstances on me to help me enlighten to myself. To respond sincerely to every life circumstance is the best response, commitment, love I can ever give to anyone and rest is out of my control. Surprising I have seen that when I remain committed to my life, my life remains committed to its purpose. When I change inside, things change outside.
It hasn't been easy; I have matured but I'm not perfect and I was far less so earlier. It has taken me time to accept and appreciate my uniqueness. My responses were not authentic, they were either moody reactions or conditioned responses. So when people came to me for help, I would feel flattened rather than calm and responsible. I would feel excited when someone appreciated me rather than having the ability to respond back at the moment with appreciation and love.
Authenticness is an ability to not compromise with what we truly are and for that we have to wade through many layers built during the whole process of our faulty education. We have to let go and keep letting go till what we are left with is our true self. And our true self keeps evolving endlessly, so this journey is endless.
I'm reminded of this more today and started to put down my thoughts because in the past few days during my travel around Chhattisgarh, many of my colleagues shared that they no longer have the joy of work. They have issues and problems at home and concerns about the well being and circumstances of those in their family. Most of these people look for a comforting shoulder and look for that in me and the moment their comfort zone is threatened they withdraw or take offence. Most of us look for lollipops when sick, we fail to understand that medicine is bitter and our misery is our own state of being.
We end up looking for happiness in relationships and material goods and whatnot - it just does not end the misery! We keep aspiring to achieve great things outside without looking for the cause of the misery inside.
It's been a challenge about how to respond with compassion to such people for my smile gets misread in their comfort-books. And before I actually regain my rationality, I get kicked into the group hysteria.
It takes lots of strength, endurance and commitment to one's purpose of life to keep gaining clarity and hold one's front. Leadership doesn't come easy - leaders are built inside. And they are happy to walk alone!
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Venus Upadhayaya
venusupadhayaya@gmail.com
Venus Upadhayaya
venusupadhayaya@gmail.com