Read and Lead: Masterclass 2026
Reading from the book The Courage to Be Disliked and discussing Adlerian psychology on trust, confidence, and community feeling.
Key Takeaways
Trust vs. Confidence: Trust is conditional (e.g., a bank loan), while confidence is unconditional belief. Unconditional confidence is the foundation for deep relationships, as it shifts the burden of betrayal from the believer to the betrayer.
The Community Feeling Cycle: A virtuous cycle of self-acceptance, confidence in others, and contribution to others. Self-acceptance enables confidence, which enables contribution, which in turn reinforces self-worth and self-acceptance.
Contribution as Self-Worth: Contribution is not self-sacrifice; it's how we realize our own worth. The goal is to feel "I am of use," which is a self-serving act that creates a positive atmosphere and invites others' participation.
Workaholism as a "Life Lie": Workaholism is a "life lie"—an excuse to avoid other responsibilities (family, hobbies). It reflects a lack of "harmony of life" by focusing on a single task (work) and judging the whole person by it.
Topics
Trust vs. Confidence
The discussion distinguished between trust and confidence, framing them as the foundation of relationships.
Trust: Conditional belief based on security (e.g., a bank loan requiring collateral).
Confidence: Unconditional belief without security.
This is the basis of Adlerian psychology for deep relationships.
It separates tasks: the believer's task is to believe; the other person's task is whether to betray.
The goal is to build relationships, not to be naive.
The Danger of Doubt: A foundation of doubt creates a self-fulfilling prophecy, where one finds "evidence" to confirm pre-existing suspicions.
The Community Feeling Cycle
The three key concepts form a circular, interdependent structure for achieving a sense of belonging.
1. Self-Acceptance: Accepting oneself "just as one is."
2. Confidence in Others: Unconditional belief, which shifts one's view of others from enemies to comrades.
3. Contribution to Others: Action taken for the community.
This is not self-sacrifice; it is how one realizes personal worth by feeling "I am of use."
Example: Washing dishes with joy creates a positive atmosphere that invites help, unlike grumbling, which pushes people away.
Workaholism as a "Life Lie"
Workaholism was presented as a "life lie"—an excuse to avoid other responsibilities (family, hobbies).
It reflects a lack of "harmony of life," where one focuses on a single task (work) and judges the whole person by it.
The 10-Person Rule: In any group of 10, one person will dislike you, two will be close friends, and seven will be neutral. A lack of harmony means focusing only on the one person who dislikes you.
Stammering Example: Stammering is not the root problem; it is a symptom of self-consciousness and a lack of harmony, where one focuses on the single person who might mock them.
Q&A: Adaptability and Change
Khushie asked why Adlerian psychology suggests it takes 20 years for a 40-year-old to change vs. 10 years for a 20-year-old.
Reason: Younger people are more adaptable and have not yet developed rigid patterns.
Analogy: Soft clay is easier to mold than hardened clay.
Analogy: Digital natives learn new tech faster than older generations.
Next Steps
Khushie: Post remaining questions in the WhatsApp group to invite discussion from the entire group.
Shalini: Share the intended comment via WhatsApp voice note due to poor audio quality during the meeting.
