Life is a Series of Moments

Masterclass:
Read together from The Courage To Be Disliked by Fumitake Koga and Ichiro Kishimi, discuss the chapter “Life is a series of moments,” and complete the conversation between the Youth and the Philosopher.

Key Takeaways

• Reject the “kinetic” life model (a linear path to a future goal) for an “energeal” one (finding fulfilment in the process itself).

• Live in the “here and now” by shining a “bright spotlight” on each moment, which makes the past and future irrelevant distractions.

• Assign your own meaning to life; it has no inherent purpose. The “guiding star” for this is the contribution to others.

• Change yourself to change your world; it’s a personal responsibility that requires courage to start, regardless of others’ cooperation.

Topics

GSA & Learning Forward Updates

• Sandeep Dutt reviewed the GSA website (schooleducation.com) to clarify the oorganisation’smission and programs.

• Mission: Personal and social development across 10 attributes (e.g., identity, communication).

• Core Belief: Schools should focus on service, skill, sport, and study.

• Programs:

  • Teachers Academy: Saturday 3 PM sessions for school faculties.

    • Cost: ₹10,000 annual donation per school.

    • Capacity: Currently serving 6 schools; can accept 1–2 more.

    • Recent Session: “Ecological Wisdom” with Project FUEL.

  • Masterclass: Saturday, 5:30 PM book club.

  • My Good School: Sunday session.

  • Brewing Knowledge Fridays: Friday session on learning and assessments.

• Resources:

  • YouTube Channel: Redesigned for more straightforward navigation.

  • Impact Study: Now live on the website.

  • Special Projects: Page updated with the Dune School Old Boys’ Society.

Recap of Last Session: Shalini Gupta summarised the key takeaway from the January 10 session:

• Disruptive behaviour, especially in children, often signals a need to be seen and heard.
• Adults can normalise abnormal behaviour by seeking superiority.
• Adlerian foundations for a healthy self: freedom, contribution, and belonging.
• True self-worth comes from contributing to the community, not from seeking recognition.

Chapter Discussion: “Life is a series of moments”

• The discussion contrasted two views of life:

  • Kinetic Life (Linear): A path to a future destination (e.g., a mountaintop).

    • Problem: The majority of life becomes a “tentative” period en route to a goal, making happiness dependent on a future outcome.

  • Energeal Life (Moment-by-Moment): A series of complete moments lived in the “here and now.”

    • Analogy: “Dancing”—the act itself is the goal, not a destination.

    • Principle: Each moment is complete and fulfilling on its own, regardless of the final outcome.

• The “Bright Spotlight” Metaphor:

  • Focusing on the past or future creates a “dim twilight” that prevents earnest living.

  • A “bright spotlight” on the present moment makes the past and future irrelevant distractions.

• Assigning Meaning:

  • Life has no inherent meaning; individuals must assign it themselves.

  • The “Guiding Star”: Contribution to others.

    • This provides a compass for a free and happy life, independent of others’ approval.

• Personal Transformation:

  • The world changes when an individual changes.

  • Analogy: Putting on glasses for the first time reveals a clear, vivid world.

  • Adler’s Advice: “Someone has to start... You should start. With no regard to whether others are cooperative or not.”

Next Steps

• All Participants:

  • Join the “My Good School” session on Sunday, January 18, featuring Karthik Bajoria.

  • Attend the final chapter reading (the afterword) on January 24, Tuesday, January 24.

• Sandeep Dutt:

  • Host a reception at the book café on Monday, January 19 (5–7 PM) for Governing Council members and guests.

• Khushi:

  • Invite Principal Srividya Ma’am to the Masterclass session.
    
    Notes courtesy: Fathom AI

Trust vs. Confidence

Read and Lead: Masterclass 2026

Reading from the book The Courage to Be Disliked and discussing Adlerian psychology on trust, confidence, and community feeling.

Key Takeaways

• Trust vs. Confidence: Trust is conditional (e.g., a bank loan), while confidence is unconditional belief. Unconditional confidence is the foundation for deep relationships, as it shifts the burden of betrayal from the believer to the betrayer.

• The Community Feeling Cycle: A virtuous cycle of self-acceptance, confidence in others, and contribution to others. Self-acceptance enables confidence, which enables contribution, which in turn reinforces self-worth and self-acceptance.

• Contribution as Self-Worth: Contribution is not self-sacrifice; it's how we realize our own worth. The goal is to feel "I am of use," which is a self-serving act that creates a positive atmosphere and invites others' participation.

• Workaholism as a "Life Lie": Workaholism is a "life lie"—an excuse to avoid other responsibilities (family, hobbies). It reflects a lack of "harmony of life" by focusing on a single task (work) and judging the whole person by it.

Topics

Trust vs. Confidence

• The discussion distinguished between trust and confidence, framing them as the foundation of relationships.

• Trust: Conditional belief based on security (e.g., a bank loan requiring collateral).

• Confidence: Unconditional belief without security.

  • This is the basis of Adlerian psychology for deep relationships.

  • It separates tasks: the believer's task is to believe; the other person's task is whether to betray.

  • The goal is to build relationships, not to be naive.

• The Danger of Doubt: A foundation of doubt creates a self-fulfilling prophecy, where one finds "evidence" to confirm pre-existing suspicions.

The Community Feeling Cycle

• The three key concepts form a circular, interdependent structure for achieving a sense of belonging.

• 1. Self-Acceptance: Accepting oneself "just as one is."

• 2. Confidence in Others: Unconditional belief, which shifts one's view of others from enemies to comrades.

• 3. Contribution to Others: Action taken for the community.

  • This is not self-sacrifice; it is how one realizes personal worth by feeling "I am of use."

  • Example: Washing dishes with joy creates a positive atmosphere that invites help, unlike grumbling, which pushes people away.

Workaholism as a "Life Lie"

• Workaholism was presented as a "life lie"—an excuse to avoid other responsibilities (family, hobbies).

• It reflects a lack of "harmony of life," where one focuses on a single task (work) and judges the whole person by it.

• The 10-Person Rule: In any group of 10, one person will dislike you, two will be close friends, and seven will be neutral. A lack of harmony means focusing only on the one person who dislikes you.

• Stammering Example: Stammering is not the root problem; it is a symptom of self-consciousness and a lack of harmony, where one focuses on the single person who might mock them.

Q&A: Adaptability and Change

• Khushie asked why Adlerian psychology suggests it takes 20 years for a 40-year-old to change vs. 10 years for a 20-year-old.

• Reason: Younger people are more adaptable and have not yet developed rigid patterns.

  • Analogy: Soft clay is easier to mold than hardened clay.

  • Analogy: Digital natives learn new tech faster than older generations.

Next Steps

• Khushie: Post remaining questions in the WhatsApp group to invite discussion from the entire group.

• Shalini: Share the intended comment via WhatsApp voice note due to poor audio quality during the meeting.

The Novelist’s Window - Manisha Khanna

Eli sat by his apartment window every night, watching the lights of the city flicker on. He often told his friends, “If I ever had the time, I’d write a novel.” They’d nod, envious of his poetic dream. But Eli never wrote a single line. His job was demanding, he said. His mind was too tired after work.

One evening, his old friend Mara visited. She listened as Eli spoke, again, of the book he would write someday — about a man who transforms his life.

“Then why don’t you start?” she asked simply.

Eli laughed. “You don’t understand. My childhood was strict. My parents never believed in me. I can’t just—”

Mara smiled gently. “You’re not your parents, Eli. You’re your choices.”

That night, her words kept echoing. You’re your choices.

He realised something unsettling — he wasn’t avoiding writing because of the past. He was afraid of the present. Afraid that if he tried and failed, he’d lose the comforting illusion that he could have been great. His “busy job” was his excuse, his shield against disappointment.

So he made a quiet decision. He turned off the TV, opened his laptop, and began typing. The words were clumsy, hesitant — but they were his.

For the first time, Eli felt something he hadn’t in years: freedom. Not from his past, but from the belief that his past defined him.

At dawn, he looked out the window again. The city was the same, but he was not.

He whispered to himself, “Happiness isn’t found. It’s chosen.”

1. Thematic Alignment with Adlerian Psychology

Strengths:

• The story illustrates teleology (future-driven motivation) clearly.
  Eli’s turning point isn’t caused by resolving childhood trauma but by reinterpreting it — seeing his limitations as choices rather than determinants.

• It reflects “lifestyle” as a chosen worldview.
  Eli’s excuse-making and self-limiting beliefs are portrayed as part of his unconscious lifestyle, which he then consciously re-chooses when he decides to write.

• The moment of change (“He opened his laptop and began typing”) embodies the courage to change, a hallmark of Adlerian philosophy: action in the present moment, not waiting for circumstances or healing from the past.

Limitations:

• While the story demonstrates Adlerian ideas well, it simplifies them. Real change, in Adler’s view, involves consistent action, social interest (community feeling), and purpose beyond the self. Eli’s transformation is very individualistic — it ends at self-liberation, not contribution to others.

• The story omits the social dimension of Adlerian thought (Gemeinschaftsgefühl). Adler would argue that true happiness comes from connection and contribution, not merely personal self-realisation.

2. Psychological Realism

Strengths:

• Eli’s fear of failure — choosing the safety of a dream over the risk of action — is psychologically authentic. It mirrors Adler’s insight that people “choose” unhappiness because it offers security and avoidance of pain.

• The dialogue with Mara serves as the philosopher’s role in The Courage to Be Disliked: a catalyst for self-reflection, not a rescuer.

Weaknesses:

• The emotional shift happens too abruptly. In reality, shifting from etiology to teleology (from past-determinism to goal-orientation) requires deep internal work and repeated courage. The “one-night change” might seem inspirational, but it lacks psychological nuance.

• The story’s resolution — Eli feeling “free” after typing a few words — risks romanticising change as a single act of will, whereas Adlerian psychology views it as a lifelong process of choice and courage.

3. Literary Technique and Symbolism

Strengths:

• The window is an apt metaphor: it separates Eli from the world he observes but doesn’t participate in — until he acts. When he writes, he symbolically steps through that window into life.

• The story’s economy of language and quiet tone reflect introspection, fitting its philosophical theme.

Weaknesses:

• The symbolic shift (darkness to dawn) is predictable. The story might benefit from more complexity — for instance, showing Eli facing discomfort or resistance after the initial act of courage, to deepen realism and tension.

4. Philosophical Critique

• The story effectively rejects Freudian etiology — Eli’s past is acknowledged but not treated as causal. However, it could explore more critically why humans cling to causal narratives.

• The conclusion — “Happiness isn’t found. It’s chosen.” — encapsulates Adler’s teleology but oversimplifies it into a motivational aphorism. Adler’s philosophy also emphasises responsibility and contribution, not just personal choice.

Conclusion: 

“The Novelist’s Window” succeeds as an accessible, illustrative parable of Adlerian teleology — capturing the moment of choosing freedom over fear. Yet, it simplifies the enduring, social, and process-oriented aspects of change that Adler emphasised. It’s philosophically sound but narratively tidy — an inspiring sketch rather than a psychologically complete portrait.

Manisha Khanna

Freedom begins the moment we choose purpose over excuse

Read And Lead - Happiness and Unhappiness

Why not join us next week?

We gathered to read  The Courage To Be Disliked, discuss Adlerian psychology and introduce Learning Forward's programs.

Key Takeaways

• Adlerian Teleology: We are not controlled by the past (Freudian etiology) but move toward goals we set (teleology). Unhappiness is a choice, not a result of circumstances.
• "Lifestyle" as a Choice: Personality is a chosen "lifestyle" (worldview and actions), not an unchangeable disposition. This choice, often made unconsciously around age 10, can be consciously re-chosen at any time.
• Courage to Change: Change requires courage to face the anxiety of an unknown future. Sticking to an unhappy but familiar lifestyle is a decision to avoid this fear.
• Learning Forward's Programs: The foundation offers three main programs: "Read and Lead" (Saturdays), "My Good School" (Sundays), and "The Teachers Academy" (professional learning).

Topics

Adlerian Psychology: Teleology vs. Etiology

• The book's core concept is Adlerian teleology, which rejects Freudian etiology.
• Etiology (Freud): We are controlled by past causes and trauma.
• Teleology (Adler): We are driven by future goals we set. The past is not a determinant; it is the meaning we attribute to it that shapes our present.
• Conclusion: Accepting etiology leads to nihilism and pessimism; embracing teleology affirms free will and the ability to change.

The Choice of Unhappiness

• The youth's desire to be like "Y" (a bright, social person) is identified as self-hatred and a wish to be reborn.
• The philosopher argues that unhappiness is a choice, not a result of circumstances.
• Socratic Paradox: "No one desires evil."
• Agathon (good) → beneficial.
• Kakon (evil) → not beneficial.
• People choose unhappiness because they perceive it as beneficial (e.g., avoiding rejection or criticism).

"Lifestyle" as a Chosen Personality

• Adlerian psychology uses "lifestyle" to describe personality and disposition.
• Lifestyle: A chosen worldview and outlook on life, not an unchangeable trait.
• This choice is often made unconsciously around age 10, influenced by environment.
• Implication: Since it's a choice, it can be re-chosen at any time.

The Courage to Change

• People often resist change because it is scary and creates anxiety about an unknown future.
• The Novelist Analogy: A friend dreams of being a novelist but uses a busy job as an excuse not to write.
• Reason: To avoid the possibility of rejection and keep the dream of "I could do it if I tried" alive.
• Conclusion: Unhappiness is not a lack of competence, but a lack of courage to be happy. Life is decided in the present moment.

Learning Forward Foundation Programs

• Mission: Cultivate a community of readers and learners.
• "Read and Lead" (Saturdays):
• This session, part of "The Teachers Academy," is a weekly reading of The Courage to be Disliked.
• Goal: Provide a dedicated space for mental grooming and reflection.
• "My Good School" (Sundays):
• Open to all ages (9–90) for reading and reflection.
• "The Teachers Academy":
• A professional learning program for educators.
• Benefits: Access to Friday/Saturday sessions, mentorship, and a certificate of appreciation.
• Contribution: A fee enables the foundation to fund "learning labs" and support teachers in economically disadvantaged schools.
• Good Schools Alliance (GSA):
• A membership for entire schools, providing access to all resources, retreats, and pilot programs.

Next Steps

• Participants:
• Join the "Read and Lead Masterclass 2026" WhatsApp community for updates.
• Consider joining "The Teachers Academy" to access all programs.
• Attend the "My Good School" session on Sunday (link will be shared).
• Khushi (Student):
• Write a reflection on the session for publication on the happyteacher.inblog.
• Manisha (Admin):
• Share the Sunday session link in the "Read and Lead" WhatsApp group.

Session Recording

✨ REFLECTION ✨Session 02 of the Book Reading:

The Courage To Be Disliked 📕🔖

by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga*In this session, we delved into The First Night: Deny Trauma 🌙✨—a profound exploration of how to liberate ourselves from the shackles of the past. Through the timeless wisdom of Socrates and Adler, we were challenged to ask ourselves: Are you truly comfortable in your own skin? The session brought to light a striking truth—unhappiness is often a choice we make unwittingly, and many resist change simply out of habit or fear. It became clear that our lives are not dictated by past events but are forged in the crucible of the present moment.⭐ The session was not merely an intellectual exercise; it was a rich tapestry woven with philosophical insights and an enriching vocabulary that broadened our horizons. 🏷️⭐ A highlight was the dynamic dialogue between a Philosopher and a Youth, brilliantly enacted by Sandeep Sir and Gurdeep Ma’am—injecting life and warmth into complex concepts, making the experience both enlightening and engaging. 🎬🌷💎🪩 My Takeaways 🪩This journey gifted me with far more than new words—it bestowed a treasure trove of reflection-worthy concepts. 📎🔖 I realized that self-acceptance does not equate to complacency; rather, it is the fertile soil from which personal growth must spring. 🤍⚡There's no need for comparison or pretending to be someone else. The real victory lies in boldly stepping into the world as my authentic self. 😃✨I close this reflection with heartfelt gratitude to all mentors and fellow participants. Special thanks to Sandeep Sir for inspiring me to embark on this empowering reading journey—the most rewarding investment of time yet. 🎀💌📍With sincere regards,

Khushi

(A little reader with an insatiable thirst for knowledge) 💎🤍

- Khushi Kumari, Lotus Petal Foundation