Read And Lead - Happiness and Unhappiness

Why not join us next week?

We gathered to read  The Courage To Be Disliked, discuss Adlerian psychology and introduce Learning Forward's programs.

Key Takeaways

• Adlerian Teleology: We are not controlled by the past (Freudian etiology) but move toward goals we set (teleology). Unhappiness is a choice, not a result of circumstances.
• "Lifestyle" as a Choice: Personality is a chosen "lifestyle" (worldview and actions), not an unchangeable disposition. This choice, often made unconsciously around age 10, can be consciously re-chosen at any time.
• Courage to Change: Change requires courage to face the anxiety of an unknown future. Sticking to an unhappy but familiar lifestyle is a decision to avoid this fear.
• Learning Forward's Programs: The foundation offers three main programs: "Read and Lead" (Saturdays), "My Good School" (Sundays), and "The Teachers Academy" (professional learning).

Topics

Adlerian Psychology: Teleology vs. Etiology

• The book's core concept is Adlerian teleology, which rejects Freudian etiology.
• Etiology (Freud): We are controlled by past causes and trauma.
• Teleology (Adler): We are driven by future goals we set. The past is not a determinant; it is the meaning we attribute to it that shapes our present.
• Conclusion: Accepting etiology leads to nihilism and pessimism; embracing teleology affirms free will and the ability to change.

The Choice of Unhappiness

• The youth's desire to be like "Y" (a bright, social person) is identified as self-hatred and a wish to be reborn.
• The philosopher argues that unhappiness is a choice, not a result of circumstances.
• Socratic Paradox: "No one desires evil."
• Agathon (good) → beneficial.
• Kakon (evil) → not beneficial.
• People choose unhappiness because they perceive it as beneficial (e.g., avoiding rejection or criticism).

"Lifestyle" as a Chosen Personality

• Adlerian psychology uses "lifestyle" to describe personality and disposition.
• Lifestyle: A chosen worldview and outlook on life, not an unchangeable trait.
• This choice is often made unconsciously around age 10, influenced by environment.
• Implication: Since it's a choice, it can be re-chosen at any time.

The Courage to Change

• People often resist change because it is scary and creates anxiety about an unknown future.
• The Novelist Analogy: A friend dreams of being a novelist but uses a busy job as an excuse not to write.
• Reason: To avoid the possibility of rejection and keep the dream of "I could do it if I tried" alive.
• Conclusion: Unhappiness is not a lack of competence, but a lack of courage to be happy. Life is decided in the present moment.

Learning Forward Foundation Programs

• Mission: Cultivate a community of readers and learners.
• "Read and Lead" (Saturdays):
• This session, part of "The Teachers Academy," is a weekly reading of The Courage to be Disliked.
• Goal: Provide a dedicated space for mental grooming and reflection.
• "My Good School" (Sundays):
• Open to all ages (9–90) for reading and reflection.
• "The Teachers Academy":
• A professional learning program for educators.
• Benefits: Access to Friday/Saturday sessions, mentorship, and a certificate of appreciation.
• Contribution: A fee enables the foundation to fund "learning labs" and support teachers in economically disadvantaged schools.
• Good Schools Alliance (GSA):
• A membership for entire schools, providing access to all resources, retreats, and pilot programs.

Next Steps

• Participants:
• Join the "Read and Lead Masterclass 2026" WhatsApp community for updates.
• Consider joining "The Teachers Academy" to access all programs.
• Attend the "My Good School" session on Sunday (link will be shared).
• Khushi (Student):
• Write a reflection on the session for publication on the happyteacher.inblog.
• Manisha (Admin):
• Share the Sunday session link in the "Read and Lead" WhatsApp group.

Session Recording

✨ REFLECTION ✨Session 02 of the Book Reading:

The Courage To Be Disliked 📕🔖

by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga*In this session, we delved into The First Night: Deny Trauma 🌙✨—a profound exploration of how to liberate ourselves from the shackles of the past. Through the timeless wisdom of Socrates and Adler, we were challenged to ask ourselves: Are you truly comfortable in your own skin? The session brought to light a striking truth—unhappiness is often a choice we make unwittingly, and many resist change simply out of habit or fear. It became clear that our lives are not dictated by past events but are forged in the crucible of the present moment.⭐ The session was not merely an intellectual exercise; it was a rich tapestry woven with philosophical insights and an enriching vocabulary that broadened our horizons. 🏷️⭐ A highlight was the dynamic dialogue between a Philosopher and a Youth, brilliantly enacted by Sandeep Sir and Gurdeep Ma’am—injecting life and warmth into complex concepts, making the experience both enlightening and engaging. 🎬🌷💎🪩 My Takeaways 🪩This journey gifted me with far more than new words—it bestowed a treasure trove of reflection-worthy concepts. 📎🔖 I realized that self-acceptance does not equate to complacency; rather, it is the fertile soil from which personal growth must spring. 🤍⚡There's no need for comparison or pretending to be someone else. The real victory lies in boldly stepping into the world as my authentic self. 😃✨I close this reflection with heartfelt gratitude to all mentors and fellow participants. Special thanks to Sandeep Sir for inspiring me to embark on this empowering reading journey—the most rewarding investment of time yet. 🎀💌📍With sincere regards,

Khushi

(A little reader with an insatiable thirst for knowledge) 💎🤍

- Khushi Kumari, Lotus Petal Foundation

Smile Vs Frown- Sunbeam Bhagwanpur

Happiness and Tolerance - Ashtalakshmi RPKM

Image copied from www.dreamstime.com

Dealing with hate and intolerance in the classroom is a crucial issue for teachers, as it can negatively impact the learning environment and the well-being of all students.

Teachers should establish clear expectations and guidelines for behaviour in the classroom, including a zero-tolerance policy for hate speech or discriminatory behaviour.  

Address incidents promptly: When an incident of hate or intolerance occurs, it's essential to address it promptly and directly with the students involved. This can be done privately or in front of the class, depending on the situation.

Encourage dialogue and understanding: Teachers should create a safe space for students to have open and respectful conversations about sensitive issues. Encouraging dialogue can build empathy and understanding among students.

Model respectful behaviour: Teachers should model respectful behaviour in the classroom and avoid making insensitive or discriminatory comments themselves.

Involve parents and school administrators: In severe incidents of hate or intolerance, it may be necessary to involve parents and school administrators to provide additional support and resources.

Addressing hate and intolerance in the classroom requires a proactive and ongoing effort from teachers, students, and the wider school community. By promoting respect and understanding and responding promptly and appropriately to incidents.

Once, I encountered an intolerant student who often showed verbally and physically abusive behaviour. My classroom's atmosphere was deteriorating because of him. He used to cry whenever I addressed his problem but would not say anything. He used to seek attention. Whatever the situation was, he wanted to be the talk of the class. From my experience, I suspected that he quest for validation and attention from everyone.

Upon meeting his mother, I got to know about his family's condition that his father is suffering from cancer, due to which he's often neglected by his family. He subconsciously chased attention so much that the consequences didn't matter. I started motivating him to give his best and made sure to constantly hear his heart out. Within a few days, he started showing improvement. So, there's always a reason behind everything, and we should pay more attention to the journey and how we can change someone's behaviour rather than just the outcome. The classroom should be a place where each student should feel safe and appreciated.

When talking to an agitated student:

• Introduce yourself if you still need to learn the student.
• Maintain a calm and reassuring voice. 
• Speak calmly, but only do some of the talking. 
• Allow the student to vent.
• Ask questions; this shows that you are concerned. 
• When asking questions, use the student's name.
• Listen carefully to the student's concerns and take them seriously. 
• Paraphrasing what the student says can help show that you are listening.
• If emotions escalate, acknowledge them. "I can see that you're angry about the ..."
• Maintain appropriate eye contact. 
• A direct and uninterrupted stare may feel threatening to the student.
• Be natural in your gestures and speaking tone.

Tolerance Requires Virtue
Tolerance, in and of itself, is not a virtue. If a student tolerates drinking and driving, his tolerance is not virtuous. Tolerance is neutral. Tolerance derives its value from what the student takes and how the student expresses his tolerance and intolerance. This involves character.

When a student uses a racial slur, his problem is not a lack of tolerance but a lack of kindness and a problem with pride (the root of belief in racial superiority). When a student makes fun of a classmate's point of view during a class discussion, his problem isn't a lack of tolerance but a lack of courtesy.

When one student spits on another student because he thinks his schoolmate is gay, tolerance isn't the issue so much as self-control. Proper tolerance is the outgrowth of moral character qualities such as kindness, patience, courtesy, humility, love, self-control, and courage. Even intolerance should be expressed through these qualities.

Students need to be taught that tolerance arises from character. If they don't understand this, they will think they are being tolerant when they are actually only expressing indifference ("whatever") or apathy ("who cares?"), or even recklessness ("Why not?"). Improperly taught "tolerance education" can disarm students of their proper convictions.

When students are happy, they are better able to solve problems, they are more open to critical thought and reasoning, their focus is more in tune, and their ability to retain and recall information is heightened. A happy child is likelier to be motivated at school, collaborate and build friendships with classmates, and troubleshoot and solve social and academic dilemmas. Biologically, happiness and other emotions are critical in cognitive functionality and processing.

Teachers need the knowledge to teach successfully in different areas, for example, feedback and praise, handling mistakes, student questions, and clearly structured lessons. Also, areas reducing anxiety, motivation, humour, and active learning time are essential for teachers.

Praise is most effective when it is sincere and natural. They should use appropriate gestures and actions to accompany them. Teachers should motivate the students so that the students are more likely to pay attention. To be respectful towards the children is also very important. To react positively to wrong answers is a way to teach simply. The relationship between students and their parents is necessary. Students like it when the teacher uses their names. The classroom climate is so important. Creating a positive classroom climate is why children like to go to school and want to learn.

Ashtalakshmi @ RPK School Moradabad
Ritu Goyal, Poonam Sharma, Meenakshi, Sonia Gupta, Tabinda Jabeen, Charu Sharma and Krishangi Sharma.