Read And Lead - Happiness and Unhappiness

Why not join us next week?

We gathered to read  The Courage To Be Disliked, discuss Adlerian psychology and introduce Learning Forward's programs.

Key Takeaways

• Adlerian Teleology: We are not controlled by the past (Freudian etiology) but move toward goals we set (teleology). Unhappiness is a choice, not a result of circumstances.
• "Lifestyle" as a Choice: Personality is a chosen "lifestyle" (worldview and actions), not an unchangeable disposition. This choice, often made unconsciously around age 10, can be consciously re-chosen at any time.
• Courage to Change: Change requires courage to face the anxiety of an unknown future. Sticking to an unhappy but familiar lifestyle is a decision to avoid this fear.
• Learning Forward's Programs: The foundation offers three main programs: "Read and Lead" (Saturdays), "My Good School" (Sundays), and "The Teachers Academy" (professional learning).

Topics

Adlerian Psychology: Teleology vs. Etiology

• The book's core concept is Adlerian teleology, which rejects Freudian etiology.
• Etiology (Freud): We are controlled by past causes and trauma.
• Teleology (Adler): We are driven by future goals we set. The past is not a determinant; it is the meaning we attribute to it that shapes our present.
• Conclusion: Accepting etiology leads to nihilism and pessimism; embracing teleology affirms free will and the ability to change.

The Choice of Unhappiness

• The youth's desire to be like "Y" (a bright, social person) is identified as self-hatred and a wish to be reborn.
• The philosopher argues that unhappiness is a choice, not a result of circumstances.
• Socratic Paradox: "No one desires evil."
• Agathon (good) → beneficial.
• Kakon (evil) → not beneficial.
• People choose unhappiness because they perceive it as beneficial (e.g., avoiding rejection or criticism).

"Lifestyle" as a Chosen Personality

• Adlerian psychology uses "lifestyle" to describe personality and disposition.
• Lifestyle: A chosen worldview and outlook on life, not an unchangeable trait.
• This choice is often made unconsciously around age 10, influenced by environment.
• Implication: Since it's a choice, it can be re-chosen at any time.

The Courage to Change

• People often resist change because it is scary and creates anxiety about an unknown future.
• The Novelist Analogy: A friend dreams of being a novelist but uses a busy job as an excuse not to write.
• Reason: To avoid the possibility of rejection and keep the dream of "I could do it if I tried" alive.
• Conclusion: Unhappiness is not a lack of competence, but a lack of courage to be happy. Life is decided in the present moment.

Learning Forward Foundation Programs

• Mission: Cultivate a community of readers and learners.
• "Read and Lead" (Saturdays):
• This session, part of "The Teachers Academy," is a weekly reading of The Courage to be Disliked.
• Goal: Provide a dedicated space for mental grooming and reflection.
• "My Good School" (Sundays):
• Open to all ages (9–90) for reading and reflection.
• "The Teachers Academy":
• A professional learning program for educators.
• Benefits: Access to Friday/Saturday sessions, mentorship, and a certificate of appreciation.
• Contribution: A fee enables the foundation to fund "learning labs" and support teachers in economically disadvantaged schools.
• Good Schools Alliance (GSA):
• A membership for entire schools, providing access to all resources, retreats, and pilot programs.

Next Steps

• Participants:
• Join the "Read and Lead Masterclass 2026" WhatsApp community for updates.
• Consider joining "The Teachers Academy" to access all programs.
• Attend the "My Good School" session on Sunday (link will be shared).
• Khushi (Student):
• Write a reflection on the session for publication on the happyteacher.inblog.
• Manisha (Admin):
• Share the Sunday session link in the "Read and Lead" WhatsApp group.

Session Recording

✨ REFLECTION ✨Session 02 of the Book Reading:

The Courage To Be Disliked 📕🔖

by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga*In this session, we delved into The First Night: Deny Trauma 🌙✨—a profound exploration of how to liberate ourselves from the shackles of the past. Through the timeless wisdom of Socrates and Adler, we were challenged to ask ourselves: Are you truly comfortable in your own skin? The session brought to light a striking truth—unhappiness is often a choice we make unwittingly, and many resist change simply out of habit or fear. It became clear that our lives are not dictated by past events but are forged in the crucible of the present moment.⭐ The session was not merely an intellectual exercise; it was a rich tapestry woven with philosophical insights and an enriching vocabulary that broadened our horizons. 🏷️⭐ A highlight was the dynamic dialogue between a Philosopher and a Youth, brilliantly enacted by Sandeep Sir and Gurdeep Ma’am—injecting life and warmth into complex concepts, making the experience both enlightening and engaging. 🎬🌷💎🪩 My Takeaways 🪩This journey gifted me with far more than new words—it bestowed a treasure trove of reflection-worthy concepts. 📎🔖 I realized that self-acceptance does not equate to complacency; rather, it is the fertile soil from which personal growth must spring. 🤍⚡There's no need for comparison or pretending to be someone else. The real victory lies in boldly stepping into the world as my authentic self. 😃✨I close this reflection with heartfelt gratitude to all mentors and fellow participants. Special thanks to Sandeep Sir for inspiring me to embark on this empowering reading journey—the most rewarding investment of time yet. 🎀💌📍With sincere regards,

Khushi

(A little reader with an insatiable thirst for knowledge) 💎🤍

- Khushi Kumari, Lotus Petal Foundation

Detach Yourself From Past Experiences - Read And Lead: Masterclass 2026

Reading the book The Courage To Be Disliked by Kishima and Koga with Gurdeep Kaur and Sandeep Dutt, on the 1st of November 2025.

From the session, I understood that when we avoid doing something due to insecurity or fear, we often deceive ourselves psychologically. Our mind and body are deeply connected, and such avoidance can manifest physically in the form of headaches, stomach cramps, or other discomforts.

In my personal experience, whenever I am afraid of doing something, I start shivering. I am usually aware of the reason behind this fear, which makes me realise that I need to consciously reframe my thoughts. By convincing myself with a strong and positive belief that "I am confident about this"—and truly feeling it rather than merely saying it—I can overcome the anxiety that holds me back.

I also learned that this practice can be applied to many situations in life. By detaching ourselves from past experiences and focusing on the present with confidence, we can develop greater emotional resilience and self-assurance.

Shalu Sharma

Sunbeam School Bhagwanpur

Our past does not control our present. We have the power to decide what meaning we give to our past experiences.

Change is always possible.

Everyone can change and become better — if they choose to.

Trauma is not the end. It may influence us, but it does not determine our future. We decide how to move ahead.

We often create excuses without realising it. Sometimes fear and anxiety are created by us to avoid things we don't want to do.

Anger can be a tool.

Often, we use anger to dominate others or force them to listen to us.

Happiness is a choice, not a gift.

We don't wait for happiness to come — we create it through our thoughts and actions.

Self-pity blocks growth.

When we continually feel inferior or compare ourselves, we stop recognising our own strengths.

Courage comes from accepting ourselves. Loving who we are — even if others disagree — is the real courage.

Akanksha Pandey, 

Sunbeam School Mughalsarai

Why not join us?

If you are a passionate educator, grab this opportunity, open to teachers and individuals who want to enjoy reading and reflection every Saturday at 5:30 PM, for only Rs 3000 annually.

https://pages.razorpay.com/LearningForward

Use the link to sign up for the Program.

Recording of the last book reading session