Afterword ”The Courage to Be Disliked”.

Masterclass concluded the discussion on the book.

The Courage to be Disliked and introduce the sequel The Courage to Be Happy

Key Takeaways

• Book 1 Concluded: The group finished Courage to be Disliked, clarifying that Adlerian psychology is a philosophy, not a falsifiable science, and that happiness requires continuous action.

• Book 2 Announced: The sequel, The Courage to be Happy, will be the next book, with a one-week break for participants to acquire copies.

• GSA’s Mission: The Good Schools Alliance (GSA) was introduced, focusing on its “3 Rs” (Reading, Reflection, Relationships) and “6 Cs” (Critical Thinking, Creativity, Collaboration, Communication, Character, Citizenship).

• Scholarship Initiative: A new scholarship program was launched to bring more Youth into the masterclass, with the first 3,000 INR donation funding a student from PYDS Learning Academy.

Topics

Concluding Courage to be Disliked

• The session concluded with the afterword, resolving the Youth’s scepticism about Adler’s ideas.

• Core Question: Is Adlerian psychology a science?

  • Answer: No, not in the strict sense of being falsifiable. It is a philosophy for practical use.

• Philosophy vs. Religion:

  • Religion: Explains the world via stories (e.g., gods).

  • Philosophy: Explains the world via abstract concepts.

  • Analogy: Philosophy is an endless walk on a pole of inquiry; religion is jumping off, satisfied with a final answer.

• Socratic Wisdom: The Philosopher’s stance aligns with Socrates’ “I know that I know nothing,” emphasising continuous learning over claiming absolute knowledge.

Introducing the Good Schools Alliance (GSA)

• Sandeep Dutt introduced GSA, the foundation running the masterclass.

• Mission: Focus on three Rs → Reading, Reflection, and Relationships.

• Framework: Develops “6 Cs” in participants:

  • Critical Thinking

  • Creativity

  • Collaboration

  • Communication

  • Character

  • Citizenship

• Programs:

  • Teachers Academy: Saturday sessions for educators.

  • MyGoodSchool: Sunday sessions for students.

• Resources:

  • Blog: HappyTeacher.in

  • YouTube: Session recordings and summaries.

New Participants & Scholarship Program

• New participants were introduced to diversify the group and bring fresh perspectives.

• Diana: Principal, PYDS Learning Academy (charitable school for underprivileged children in Uttarakhand).

• Rudra: Single father joining to learn about education.

• Khushie: 8th-grade student from Lotus Petal Foundation, attending on scholarship.

• Scholarship Program:

  • Goal: Bring more Youth into the masterclass.

  • Funding: The first 3,000 INR donation from Rudra will fund a scholarship for a student from Diana’s school (PYDS).

  • Rationale: Creates a “train-the-trainer” model, fostering dialogue between the student and principal to apply learnings in their school community.

Next Steps

• Group: Take a one-week break to acquire copies of The Courage to be Happy.

• Diana: Nominate a student from PYDS Learning Academy for the scholarship.

• Rudra: Connect with the scholarship recipient to foster dialogue.

• Sandeep Dutt: Begin The Courage to be Happy in the next session.
  
  FATHOM-AI supported the note-taking.

Reflection from the Master Class of 13th Dec 2025

Read And Lead Saturday book-reading session from the book The Courage To Be Disliked, by Fumitake Koga and Ichiro Kishimi

The philosopher draws an analogy between human freedom and a tumbling stone. A stone rolling downhill remains powerless until it is shaped into a small, round ball. Similarly, in our pursuit of recognition and approval from others, we gradually lose our true selves, shrinking into a diminished version of 'who we are'.

I especially resonated with the idea that when we refuse to fall into the vicious cycle of validation-seeking, we are often disliked—simply because we no longer play to others’ expectations. Yet this discomfort is acceptable if it allows us to remain authentic. It grants us the freedom to hold our ground—to neither change ourselves nor attempt to change others. If people evolve, it should be on their own accord, perhaps influenced by our behaviour, but never driven by our need for approval.

Shalini Gupta

Freedom and Interpersonal Relationships

Read And Lead

To read and discuss Adlerian psychology concepts from The Courage to Be Disliked.

Key Takeaways

• New Reading Process: Screen-sharing the book via read.amazon.com is now standard. This ensures everyone is on the same page, eliminates the need for physical books, and improves focus.
• Adler's Three Tasks: Life's core challenges are Work, Friendship, and Love. Love is the most difficult, requiring treating partners as "equal personalities" to avoid the distrust and control that destroy relationships.
• The "Life Lie": People create excuses (e.g., disliking someone) to avoid these tasks. This is a failure of courage, not a moral flaw, and is rooted in a self-chosen lifestyle rather than past trauma (teleology vs. aetiology).
• Rejecting Recognition: Seeking external validation is a trap that forces one to live for others' expectations, suppressing one's "I-ness." True freedom comes from self-validation and the "separation of tasks."

Process Update: Screen-Sharing

• Problem: Physical books create friction (different page numbers, bookmarks, dual-screen juggling), hindering group focus and excluding participants without a copy.
• Solution: Screen-share the book via read.amazon.com.
• Rationale: This ensures everyone is on the same page, simplifies navigation, and removes the need for physical books.
• Training: Sandeep guided Gurdeep through the process, demonstrating how to use the in-browser Kindle reader and its chapter navigation menu.

Adler's Three Life Tasks

The book's core concept: life's three unavoidable interpersonal tasks.

1. Work: A relationship with no workplace compulsion.

2. Friendship: A relationship difficult to initiate or deepen.

Key Insight: Depth and distance are more valuable than the number of acquaintances.

Action: Change yourself first; others will adapt.

3. Love: The most difficult task, divided into two stages:

Love Relationships:

• Problem: The closeness of love can lead to restriction and jealousy.
• Adler's View: Restriction is a manifestation of distrust and control.
• Solution: Treat partners as "equal personalities" to foster a calm, natural state of freedom.
• Parent-Child Relationships:
• Problem: A non-optional relationship ("rigid chains") that is fundamentally harder than a love relationship ("red string").
• Action: Face distressful relationships directly; avoidance is the worst option.

The "Life Lie" & Courage

• Concept: People invent pretexts to avoid life tasks, shifting responsibility to others or the environment. Example: Disliking someone is a goal chosen before finding their flaws, as a way to prevent an interpersonal relationship.
• Rationale: This is a failure of courage, not a moral flaw.

Adlerian Psychology: A "psychology of use" (teleology), where one chooses a lifestyle, not a "psychology of possession" (aetiology) determined by the past.

The Desire for Recognition

Problem: The Youth's parents' expectations created pressure and a desire for their recognition.

Adler's View: The desire for recognition is a trap that must be denied.

Mechanism: It stems from "reward and punishment education," where one acts appropriately only for praise.

Consequence: This leads to living for others' expectations, suppressing one's "I-ness."

Solution: True freedom comes from self-validation and the "separation of tasks," a concept to be explored next.

Group Reflection

Shalini: Freedom is the absence of needing external validation.

Latha: The need for validation can stem from uncertainty, but it also creates a dependency that fuels inferiority.

Minakshi: Both inferiority and superiority complexes arise from seeking external validation. Self-validation is the key to confidence.

Sandeep: A child learns to walk alone, not for validation. This natural process is often conditioned by adult reactions.

Community Updates

Yesterday's Session: A "brewing knowledge set" session with Dr Manu Kapoor was highly successful.

Potential Collaboration: Dr Kapoor may partner with Learning Forward to improve teaching and learning systems.

Community Model: Learning Forward and the Good Schools Alliance are community-driven, with participants joining for shared purpose, not salary.

Next Steps

All: Reflect on the nature of freedom and the "separation of tasks."

All: Read the newsletter and review the show notes for the Dr Manu Kapoor video.

Group: Continue reading from the "Separation of Tasks" section next session.

Read And Lead - Happiness and Unhappiness

Why not join us next week?

We gathered to read  The Courage To Be Disliked, discuss Adlerian psychology and introduce Learning Forward's programs.

Key Takeaways

• Adlerian Teleology: We are not controlled by the past (Freudian etiology) but move toward goals we set (teleology). Unhappiness is a choice, not a result of circumstances.
• "Lifestyle" as a Choice: Personality is a chosen "lifestyle" (worldview and actions), not an unchangeable disposition. This choice, often made unconsciously around age 10, can be consciously re-chosen at any time.
• Courage to Change: Change requires courage to face the anxiety of an unknown future. Sticking to an unhappy but familiar lifestyle is a decision to avoid this fear.
• Learning Forward's Programs: The foundation offers three main programs: "Read and Lead" (Saturdays), "My Good School" (Sundays), and "The Teachers Academy" (professional learning).

Topics

Adlerian Psychology: Teleology vs. Etiology

• The book's core concept is Adlerian teleology, which rejects Freudian etiology.
• Etiology (Freud): We are controlled by past causes and trauma.
• Teleology (Adler): We are driven by future goals we set. The past is not a determinant; it is the meaning we attribute to it that shapes our present.
• Conclusion: Accepting etiology leads to nihilism and pessimism; embracing teleology affirms free will and the ability to change.

The Choice of Unhappiness

• The youth's desire to be like "Y" (a bright, social person) is identified as self-hatred and a wish to be reborn.
• The philosopher argues that unhappiness is a choice, not a result of circumstances.
• Socratic Paradox: "No one desires evil."
• Agathon (good) → beneficial.
• Kakon (evil) → not beneficial.
• People choose unhappiness because they perceive it as beneficial (e.g., avoiding rejection or criticism).

"Lifestyle" as a Chosen Personality

• Adlerian psychology uses "lifestyle" to describe personality and disposition.
• Lifestyle: A chosen worldview and outlook on life, not an unchangeable trait.
• This choice is often made unconsciously around age 10, influenced by environment.
• Implication: Since it's a choice, it can be re-chosen at any time.

The Courage to Change

• People often resist change because it is scary and creates anxiety about an unknown future.
• The Novelist Analogy: A friend dreams of being a novelist but uses a busy job as an excuse not to write.
• Reason: To avoid the possibility of rejection and keep the dream of "I could do it if I tried" alive.
• Conclusion: Unhappiness is not a lack of competence, but a lack of courage to be happy. Life is decided in the present moment.

Learning Forward Foundation Programs

• Mission: Cultivate a community of readers and learners.
• "Read and Lead" (Saturdays):
• This session, part of "The Teachers Academy," is a weekly reading of The Courage to be Disliked.
• Goal: Provide a dedicated space for mental grooming and reflection.
• "My Good School" (Sundays):
• Open to all ages (9–90) for reading and reflection.
• "The Teachers Academy":
• A professional learning program for educators.
• Benefits: Access to Friday/Saturday sessions, mentorship, and a certificate of appreciation.
• Contribution: A fee enables the foundation to fund "learning labs" and support teachers in economically disadvantaged schools.
• Good Schools Alliance (GSA):
• A membership for entire schools, providing access to all resources, retreats, and pilot programs.

Next Steps

• Participants:
• Join the "Read and Lead Masterclass 2026" WhatsApp community for updates.
• Consider joining "The Teachers Academy" to access all programs.
• Attend the "My Good School" session on Sunday (link will be shared).
• Khushi (Student):
• Write a reflection on the session for publication on the happyteacher.inblog.
• Manisha (Admin):
• Share the Sunday session link in the "Read and Lead" WhatsApp group.

Session Recording

✨ REFLECTION ✨Session 02 of the Book Reading:

The Courage To Be Disliked 📕🔖

by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga*In this session, we delved into The First Night: Deny Trauma 🌙✨—a profound exploration of how to liberate ourselves from the shackles of the past. Through the timeless wisdom of Socrates and Adler, we were challenged to ask ourselves: Are you truly comfortable in your own skin? The session brought to light a striking truth—unhappiness is often a choice we make unwittingly, and many resist change simply out of habit or fear. It became clear that our lives are not dictated by past events but are forged in the crucible of the present moment.⭐ The session was not merely an intellectual exercise; it was a rich tapestry woven with philosophical insights and an enriching vocabulary that broadened our horizons. 🏷️⭐ A highlight was the dynamic dialogue between a Philosopher and a Youth, brilliantly enacted by Sandeep Sir and Gurdeep Ma’am—injecting life and warmth into complex concepts, making the experience both enlightening and engaging. 🎬🌷💎🪩 My Takeaways 🪩This journey gifted me with far more than new words—it bestowed a treasure trove of reflection-worthy concepts. 📎🔖 I realized that self-acceptance does not equate to complacency; rather, it is the fertile soil from which personal growth must spring. 🤍⚡There's no need for comparison or pretending to be someone else. The real victory lies in boldly stepping into the world as my authentic self. 😃✨I close this reflection with heartfelt gratitude to all mentors and fellow participants. Special thanks to Sandeep Sir for inspiring me to embark on this empowering reading journey—the most rewarding investment of time yet. 🎀💌📍With sincere regards,

Khushi

(A little reader with an insatiable thirst for knowledge) 💎🤍

- Khushi Kumari, Lotus Petal Foundation

Detach Yourself From Past Experiences - Read And Lead: Masterclass 2026

Reading the book The Courage To Be Disliked by Kishima and Koga with Gurdeep Kaur and Sandeep Dutt, on the 1st of November 2025.

From the session, I understood that when we avoid doing something due to insecurity or fear, we often deceive ourselves psychologically. Our mind and body are deeply connected, and such avoidance can manifest physically in the form of headaches, stomach cramps, or other discomforts.

In my personal experience, whenever I am afraid of doing something, I start shivering. I am usually aware of the reason behind this fear, which makes me realise that I need to consciously reframe my thoughts. By convincing myself with a strong and positive belief that "I am confident about this"—and truly feeling it rather than merely saying it—I can overcome the anxiety that holds me back.

I also learned that this practice can be applied to many situations in life. By detaching ourselves from past experiences and focusing on the present with confidence, we can develop greater emotional resilience and self-assurance.

Shalu Sharma

Sunbeam School Bhagwanpur

Our past does not control our present. We have the power to decide what meaning we give to our past experiences.

Change is always possible.

Everyone can change and become better — if they choose to.

Trauma is not the end. It may influence us, but it does not determine our future. We decide how to move ahead.

We often create excuses without realising it. Sometimes fear and anxiety are created by us to avoid things we don't want to do.

Anger can be a tool.

Often, we use anger to dominate others or force them to listen to us.

Happiness is a choice, not a gift.

We don't wait for happiness to come — we create it through our thoughts and actions.

Self-pity blocks growth.

When we continually feel inferior or compare ourselves, we stop recognising our own strengths.

Courage comes from accepting ourselves. Loving who we are — even if others disagree — is the real courage.

Akanksha Pandey, 

Sunbeam School Mughalsarai

Why not join us?

If you are a passionate educator, grab this opportunity, open to teachers and individuals who want to enjoy reading and reflection every Saturday at 5:30 PM, for only Rs 3000 annually.

https://pages.razorpay.com/LearningForward

Use the link to sign up for the Program.

Recording of the last book reading session

Have The Courage to Join The Masterclass 2026

"The Courage to Be Disliked" and "The Courage to Be Happy" by Fumitake Koga and Ichiro Kishimi are based on Alfred Adler's individual psychology. The author relates to the youth in the book who is doubtful, questioning, angry, and struggles with an inferiority complex and a tendency to people-please.

The summary of the core concepts is structured around the nights of conversation between the youth and the philosopher:

• First Night: Courage to Change. The focus is on "lifestyle," "decision," and the "courage to change." The idea is that changing one's lifestyle, thought, and action tendencies alters one's interaction with the world, despite the anxieties involved.

• Second Night: Interpersonal Relationships. All problems stem from "interpersonal relationship problems." The author notes they struggled with this, often viewing others as enemies rather than allies.

• Third Night: Freedom from Recognition. True freedom is achieved by having the courage to be disliked and to "deny the desire for recognition" by practising "task separation." The core message is: "Do not live to satisfy the expectations of others." Being disliked signifies freedom, as the desire for recognition makes one dependent on others' judgment.

• Fourth Night: Community Feeling and Contribution. To find happiness, one must move beyond self-centeredness and develop a sense of belonging to a broader community—beyond just work or family—and focus on making meaningful contributions to it. This involves shifting from a vertical (power/hierarchy) to a horizontal relationship (comrades/partners) approach and using encouragement instead of praise or punishment.

• Fifth Night: Self-Acceptance and Living in the Now. The final night discusses "self-acceptance"—embracing oneself as ordinary—and focusing on the "now." Adler's psychology suggests that "life in general has no meaning. Whatever meaning life has must be assigned by the individual." The path to freedom and happiness is to live earnestly in the present moment.

The author concludes with the three main ideas for achieving freedom and happiness from the first book:

1. Self-Acceptance: Accepting oneself as an ordinary person who does not need recognition.

2. Building Horizontal Relationships: Seeing people as comrades, not in a power hierarchy, which enhances one's value and contribution.

3. Moments of "Now": Focusing on living earnestly in the present.

The second book, "The Courage to Be Happy," expands on these ideas, clarifying concepts such as empathy versus sympathy, discussing the concept of love, and advocating for removing oneself from a victimhood mindset ("That Bad Person and Poor Me").

Three years after their first conversation, the young man finds himself disillusioned and disappointed, convinced Adler’s teachings only work in theory, not in practice. However, through further discussions between the philosopher and the young man, they deepen their understanding of Adler’s powerful teachings and acquire the tools necessary to apply them to the chaos of everyday life.

The Youth is now a teacher and meets the Philosopher for the second time to find out the meaning of life and living. He must learn to manage his students and develop his interpersonal skills.

We’d love for teachers and anyone who loves reading and thinking deeply to come join us every Saturday at 5:30 PM for a yearly fee of Rs 3000. We’ll be acting out stories on Zoom. Gurdeep will be the Youth and Sandeep will be the Philosopher, and we promise to have some great conversations and #JoyOfLearning.

If you wish to make payments using digital wallets like Paytm, Google Pay or UPI, you can transfer funds using the following details: 

• UPI ID: LF@idbi

Account: Learning Forward India Foundation
Account Number: 0070104000305341
Payments Bank Name: IDBI Bank Ltd
Account Type: Savings Account
IFSC Code: IBKL0000070
SWIFT Code: IBKLINBB015
Registered Charity
NGO DARPAN ID UA/2020/0271053 
Not-for-profit Section 8 Licence Number 117470

Payment link 

https://pages.razorpay.com/LearningForward

BYB - Bring Your Books!

We will not screen share for Masterclass 2026

#HappyTeachers spread #JoyOfLearning with the spirit of #JoyOfGiving