“Heart vs Mind” reading ahead teenage behaviour and relationships

Learning Forward Saturday focused on reflections from the book “Wanted Back-bencher Last-ranker Teacher” and on reading a chapter about Roma’s experience with teenage relationships. Brinda led the session by having participants share their reflections on the “Heart vs Mind” chapter, in which Rekha Sharma and Sneha shared insights into teachers’ responsibilities for understanding and supporting students’ emotional well-being. The group then read a chapter where Roma counselled two students, Arjun and Rakhi, about their romantic relationship, and later met with the students’ parents to discuss appropriate consequences. The discussion highlighted Roma’s mature approach to working with both teenagers and their parents, explaining the psychological and biological factors behind teenage behaviour and relationships. The session concluded with a brief discussion about Roma’s upcoming confrontation with a senior teacher, Simon Sir, regarding allegations about her behaviour with students.

Next steps: Brinda Conduct all future reading sessions on Saturday at 3:30pm. Collaboration All participants: Write and share reflections on the chapter read in the meeting, focusing on takeaways and personal insights as teachers, parents, or people who deal with teenagers. Summary Heart versus Mind Reflections The meeting focused on participants’ reflections on the chapter “Heart vs Mind.” Rekha Sharma shared that the chapter deepened her understanding of a teacher’s responsibilities, emphasising the importance of emotional security for students and balancing both heart and mind in teaching. Sangeeta Singh’s reflection highlighted the need for emotional support and understanding during adolescence, noting that students perform better when they feel valued and emotionally secure. Both reflections emphasised the importance of connecting with students’ emotions before addressing their behaviour and the role of both teachers and parents in nurturing emotionally strong individuals alongside academic excellence. Teen Relationship Counselling Discussion The meeting focused on reading and discussing a book called “Wanted Back-bencher Last Ranker Teacher” by Roma. The group read a chapter involving two teenagers, Arjun and Rakhi, who were caught by a teacher and discussed their relationship and the challenges it presented. Roma, the non-teacher protagonist, counselled the teenagers and later met with their parents to address the situation. The discussion highlighted the complexities of teenage relationships and the need for understanding and support from both parents and teachers during this developmental phase. Teenage Relationships and Behaviour Guidance The meeting focused on discussing teenage relationships and behaviour, with Roma providing insights on how to handle situations involving young students like Arjun and Rakhi. Roma explained that teenagers often seek emotional support through relationships and suggested that parents should communicate openly with their children rather than prohibit relationships. The discussion also covered how teenage brains are still developing, particularly in areas related to emotions and decision-making. The conversation ended with a brief discussion about a staff situation involving Roma and Simon Sir, regarding allegations that they took students to Club Paradise. Zoom notes AI can make mistakes. Review for accuracy.

Friendship and Relationships in Education

Masterclass

To explore Adlerian philosophy on trust, confidence, and interpersonal relationships. Reading from the book The Courage To Be Happy by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga.

Key Takeaways

• Trust vs. Confidence: Work relationships are transactional (confidence-based), while friendships are unconditional (trust-based). Education’s goal is student self-reliance, which requires a trust-based “friend relationship” to foster courage.

• The Social Mask: We wear a “social mask” to prevent conflict and protect others’ feelings. A true close friend is someone with whom we can remove this mask and be fully ourselves.

• Active Confidence: Confidence is an active choice to believe in others, not a passive acceptance. It is the only way to build a connection, especially with those who resist.

• Self-Acceptance Precedes Other-Acceptance: The ability to trust others stems from self-acceptance. Self-centeredness is a symptom of self-dislike, not self-love, and prevents genuine connections from forming.

Topics

Trust vs. Confidence in Relationships

• Work Relationships: Transactional and conditional, based on confidence (e.g., a bank loan requires collateral).

• Friend Relationships: Unconditional, based on trust and valuing a person’s inherent worth.

• Education’s Goal: Student self-reliance.

• Educator’s Role: Provide assistance toward self-reliance, which requires a trust-based relationship to foster student courage.

The Social Mask & True Friendship

• We all wear a “social mask” to hide true feelings, preventing conflict and protecting others.

• A close friend is someone with whom we can remove this mask and be completely frank, knowing the relationship will endure.

• This certainty is rare, making such friends precious.

Active Confidence as a Choice

• Confidence is an active choice to believe in others, not a passive acceptance.

• It requires believing in the whole person, even when sceptical of their words.

• Rationale: To get someone to believe in you, you must believe in them first.

• Example: Parents who distrust their children find their arguments are met with resistance, as the children feel the underlying distrust.

Self-Acceptance as the Foundation for Trust

• The ability to trust others stems from self-acceptance.

• “Love thy neighbour as thyself” implies that self-love is a prerequisite for loving others.

• Self-centeredness is a symptom of self-dislike, not self-love.

  • Anxiety about oneself prevents genuine concern for others.

• Seeking worth through work recognition is a trap, as it’s based on competition and functional value rather than inherent worth.

Next Steps

• Sandeep Dutt: Continue the masterclass next week, exploring the circumstances that led Adler to develop the concept of “community feeling.”

FATHOM AI-generated summary,

Shifting from Competition to Cooperation

Masterclass with Sandeep Dutt

Reading The Courage To Be Happy by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga

To explore the book’s core argument: shifting from competition to cooperation.

Key Takeaways

• Praise is manipulation, not support. It creates a vertical, dictatorial relationship where the praiser judges the praised, fostering competition for approval.

• Competition is a “disease” that makes others enemies. It corrupts goals, leading to unfair tactics and a focus on defeating rivals instead of achieving personal bests.

• The solution is cooperation, built on “community feeling.” This inherent human need for connection stems from our physical weakness, which forces us to cooperate to survive.

• Problem behaviour is a symptom of a sick system, not a bad individual. The focus must shift from treating the individual to fixing the competitive environment.

Topics

The Problem: Praise & Competition

• The book argues against praise as a manipulative tool that creates a vertical, dictatorial relationship.

  • Example: A teacher’s praise (“It’s changed my opinion of you”) was a judgment from above that belittled the student’s full potential.

• This praise-based system fosters competition for the leader’s favour, turning peers into enemies.

  • Analogy: A marathon where the goal shifts from finishing to defeating rivals, leading to “gamesmanship” and unfair conduct.

The Solution: Cooperation & Community Feeling

• The alternative is a democratic classroom built on cooperation and “horizontal relationships.”

  • Horizontal relationships: All people are equal, regardless of ability or achievement.

  • Goal: See others as comrades, not rivals.

• This model treats problem behaviour as a symptom of a sick environment, not a bad individual.

  • Analogy: A classroom with “pneumonia” (competition) needs a systemic cure, not just individual treatment.

• The foundation for this cooperation is “community feeling”—an inherent human need for connection.

  • This need stems from our physical weakness, which forces us to cooperate to survive.

  • Conclusion: Our civilisation and power are direct results of our weakness, making cooperation a fundamental principle of life.

Next Steps

• Sandeep Dutt: Continue reading the book on April 11 at the My Good School Retreat in Jaipur.

• Manisha Khanna & Jugjiv Sir: Lead Sunday School on April 5 at 10:30 AM, reading “The Whistling School Boy” (Ruskin Bond) and “What You Are Looking For Is In The Library.”

• Shalini: Read the “Youth” part in the next session on April 11.

 FATHOM AI-generated summary, read with care.

Student Engagement and Classroom Behaviour

Learning Forward Saturday

To reflect on managing classroom “war” and fostering “peace.”

Key Takeaways

• Distinguish “Notes” from “Reflections”: Reflections must be personal experiences and feelings, not generic theory. This distinction is critical for collaborative learning.

• Engage Bored Students with Differentiated Learning: Boredom, especially among high achievers, disrupts learning. Differentiated teaching provides customised challenges to keep all students engaged.

• Be “Friendly,” Not a “Friend”: Maintain a professional boundary to preserve respect and authority. A teacher’s role is a guide (marg-darshak), not a peer.

• Make Every Student Feel Valued: Simple actions like noticing absences or giving small responsibilities build trust and create a supportive environment where all students feel seen.

Topics

The Problem: Classroom “War”

• “War” is student energy and expression, not just indiscipline.

• Students often test new teachers, creating chaos.

• A new teacher’s non-traditional approach can be a key advantage, as they lack the preconceived notions of a veteran.

The Solution: Fostering “Peace”

• Immediate De-escalation:

  • Distraction: Use a sudden, unexpected action (e.g., clapping or singing) to break the cycle of chaos.

  • Non-Reaction: A calm, controlled response signals authority and prevents escalation.

• Building a Culture of Value:

  • Personal Connection: Notice absences and ask about well-being.

  • Inclusive Responsibilities: Assign small tasks (e.g., writing the date) to quiet or overlooked students.

  • Active Listening: Give all students your full attention, which shows their thoughts are valued.

  • Appreciation: Acknowledge and praise good behaviour and effort.

• Preventing Boredom with Differentiated Teaching:

  • Boredom is a primary cause of disruption, especially for high achievers who finish work quickly.

  • Differentiated Teaching: Plan lessons with customised challenges for all student levels—above-average, average, and below-average.

  • Customised Learning: Provide varied activities to keep every student engaged and prevent boredom-induced misbehaviour.

The Challenge: “Notes” vs. “Reflections”

• A key challenge was that many submissions were generic “notes” (theory, prescriptions) instead of personal “reflections” (experiences, feelings).

• This distinction is critical for collaborative learning, as it shifts the focus from abstract knowledge to practical application.

Next Steps

• All Teachers:

  • Write a reflection on this session, focusing on personal impact and specific takeaways.

  • Prepare to discuss Differentiated Teaching and Learning in the next session.

• Sandeep:

  • Share a video example of an effective reflection on the group WhatsApp.

FATHOM AI-generated notes, read with care

Have The Courage to Join The Masterclass 2026

"The Courage to Be Disliked" and "The Courage to Be Happy" by Fumitake Koga and Ichiro Kishimi are based on Alfred Adler's individual psychology. The author relates to the youth in the book who is doubtful, questioning, angry, and struggles with an inferiority complex and a tendency to people-please.

The summary of the core concepts is structured around the nights of conversation between the youth and the philosopher:

• First Night: Courage to Change. The focus is on "lifestyle," "decision," and the "courage to change." The idea is that changing one's lifestyle, thought, and action tendencies alters one's interaction with the world, despite the anxieties involved.

• Second Night: Interpersonal Relationships. All problems stem from "interpersonal relationship problems." The author notes they struggled with this, often viewing others as enemies rather than allies.

• Third Night: Freedom from Recognition. True freedom is achieved by having the courage to be disliked and to "deny the desire for recognition" by practising "task separation." The core message is: "Do not live to satisfy the expectations of others." Being disliked signifies freedom, as the desire for recognition makes one dependent on others' judgment.

• Fourth Night: Community Feeling and Contribution. To find happiness, one must move beyond self-centeredness and develop a sense of belonging to a broader community—beyond just work or family—and focus on making meaningful contributions to it. This involves shifting from a vertical (power/hierarchy) to a horizontal relationship (comrades/partners) approach and using encouragement instead of praise or punishment.

• Fifth Night: Self-Acceptance and Living in the Now. The final night discusses "self-acceptance"—embracing oneself as ordinary—and focusing on the "now." Adler's psychology suggests that "life in general has no meaning. Whatever meaning life has must be assigned by the individual." The path to freedom and happiness is to live earnestly in the present moment.

The author concludes with the three main ideas for achieving freedom and happiness from the first book:

1. Self-Acceptance: Accepting oneself as an ordinary person who does not need recognition.

2. Building Horizontal Relationships: Seeing people as comrades, not in a power hierarchy, which enhances one's value and contribution.

3. Moments of "Now": Focusing on living earnestly in the present.

The second book, "The Courage to Be Happy," expands on these ideas, clarifying concepts such as empathy versus sympathy, discussing the concept of love, and advocating for removing oneself from a victimhood mindset ("That Bad Person and Poor Me").

Three years after their first conversation, the young man finds himself disillusioned and disappointed, convinced Adler’s teachings only work in theory, not in practice. However, through further discussions between the philosopher and the young man, they deepen their understanding of Adler’s powerful teachings and acquire the tools necessary to apply them to the chaos of everyday life.

The Youth is now a teacher and meets the Philosopher for the second time to find out the meaning of life and living. He must learn to manage his students and develop his interpersonal skills.

We’d love for teachers and anyone who loves reading and thinking deeply to come join us every Saturday at 5:30 PM for a yearly fee of Rs 3000. We’ll be acting out stories on Zoom. Gurdeep will be the Youth and Sandeep will be the Philosopher, and we promise to have some great conversations and #JoyOfLearning.

If you wish to make payments using digital wallets like Paytm, Google Pay or UPI, you can transfer funds using the following details: 

• UPI ID: LF@idbi

Account: Learning Forward India Foundation
Account Number: 0070104000305341
Payments Bank Name: IDBI Bank Ltd
Account Type: Savings Account
IFSC Code: IBKL0000070
SWIFT Code: IBKLINBB015
Registered Charity
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Payment link 

https://pages.razorpay.com/LearningForward

BYB - Bring Your Books!

We will not screen share for Masterclass 2026

#HappyTeachers spread #JoyOfLearning with the spirit of #JoyOfGiving

My Student, My Guide - Nibbrati Rathore

Image Manisha Khanna 

A student to me is more than a name, 

A reason to show up, to play the game. 

A reason to dress, to stand up tall, 

To learn, to grow—to give my all. 

A reason to read, to stay up to date, 

To be my best, to challenge fate. 

A reason to pause before doing wrong,

For their eyes watch, both sharp and strong.

 

My dear student, I must confide, 

I strayed from what was once my guide. 

Not what my elders had hoped I’d be, 

Nor what the books had planned for me. 

But when I stood before your eyes,

I felt the truth, I realised— 

You shaped the path I couldn’t see, 

And made me what you wished for me. 

Your teacher, your guide, your mentor true, 

Yet deep inside, I know this too— 

As much as I teach and light your way,

You teach me more every day.

Ms Nibbrati Rathore

Gyanshree School

Poetry Session with Brinda Ghosh - 27th Feb 2025

#ThoughtfulThursdays
Update: Henceforth, the sessions will be from 5:30 PM onward.  

Ms. Brinda Ghosh led the poetry session, which discussed the importance of sharing personal compositions and exploring different poetic forms. 

Participants shared their poems, including Nibbrati's tribute to her students and Saloni's metaphorical piece on overcoming fear. 

Ms Ghosh explained the differences between free verse and blank verse, emphasising free verse's flexibility and emotional depth. She also introduced the concept of sinquain and shared her poem about her father.

The session concluded with a reading of Naomi Shihab Nye's "Kindness" and a call for participants to submit their poems for reading and publishing in our Good Schools India Journal.

Tune in on SoundCloud:

My Good School · Poetry Session 27020225 | Enjoy the recording on SoundCloud

Love Learning Vs Hate Learning - Mohini Rai

When an 18-year-old boy still remembers his kindergarten teacher, who taught him in the school when he was just 3 years old, that is a love learning. And the reason for this is the memory which is alive deep in his heart. The boy can still cherish those old memories of him with his teacher singing and enjoying the nursery rhymes being in her hands, moving round and round and round in circles and dancing with his teacher “Beauty maa’am”. It is not less than a miracle remembering the name of the teacher when the boy was just 3 years old. So in one sentence I can say that love learning last with the last breath of the life and it passes through generations and generations.

 It is true that I am a teacher by chance but the interest of teaching is in my blood. This is what I believe. I am a good teacher, no matter inside the school campus or outside the school. Of course initially joining the job of a Teacher was my need but gradually this need converted into interest and has become a part of My Life. It is true that life cannot be led without money. To survive in this world and to be alive we need money. Hence I also needed money and did this job. But I started getting connected to my job deeply when I experienced the joy of this job by receiving the sweet and loving reflections from my student. Teaching in a school is a soulful job. Each and every day makes you feel alive. You will experience ups and downs but when you will come before your students, you will forget everything, all bad phases and tensions and you will get involved with your children in a positive way. In this whole process if a teacher can touch one single heart out of 40 students, teacher should understand that his work is done well.

 As a teacher I do not focus on the negative parts of my job. Of course sometimes I get panic when I am overloaded with work. But the next moment I calm myself, sit silently and then I think that I will do my best whatever is the task assigned to me and even if I fail in completing my work that is also a learning for me. I take my work as a continuous learning process. There is a famous saying that ‘everyone can't be Jack of all trait’. I also can't be the Jack. But I can try at least. Personally I believe that everyone should maintain a balance between a family life and a professional life. We have our responsibilities and roles towards both. We cannot avoid any of them. So things should be planned in such a way that it should not disturb each other. I also believe in equal distribution of work in any system. Because those who are good performer are over burdened with more and more work whereas those who perform badly are for given front Work. Sometimes such things disturbs the balance in the system as well as in personal life also. I also want to say that system should analyze and provide equal opportunities to all the employee. So that all will work with a happy framework of mind.

Now let's talk about love learning and hate learning. A class full of 40 students includes 40 different personalities with different interest, IQ, hobbies, behaviors, values, family backgrounds, society etc. Hence they all perform differently in their assessments. It is usually being observed that children are weak in major subjects which are based on concepts and this does not happen in 1 day or one month or 1 year. Students get weak and year by year. Becoming weaker in any subject may have numbers of reason. For example a child could be weak in math or science because of not attending classes regularly, being busy in co-curricular activities, or because of dislike for the subject or subject teacher. But the less marks does not decide child's wisdom or his potential. Also there are different types of children for example some children learn under pressure whereas some learn when they are happily ready to learn. So a teacher must develop a rapport with these students. 

In the starting period teacher should get some time to understand students mindset so that learning can be done in a positive way. Until and unless a child is not connected with the teacher, the subject being taught by the teacher will be difficult to be understood by the child. Gradually student will develop fear or hesitation with the subject teacher and hence stops asking questions. Day-by-day he/she will keep on moving to the next topics with piled up doubts in their mind. That is how they become weak and weaker day-by-day in the particular subject. Becoming weaker in the subject ends up the interest in that subject. And the student finds the particular subject boring and stops paying attention. Also try to run away from that subject and ignores the subject teacher. Hence love learning can only be done if the child is happily ready to learn.

In my opinion a teacher should look presentable and approachable. Each student observes his or her teacher minutely, a small talk by a teacher means a lot to the student, a small encouragement done by the teacher can be a big effort in bringing change and improvement in child's performance.. Once the child gets connected to the teacher it means teacher has won the half battle. Because the child will put his or her best effort in making the particular teacher happy, the child will try not to leave chance of complaint, it will focus more and more. That is how the child will start moving towards this step of Improvement.

MOHINI RAI

Sunbeam Suncity School and Hostel