“Heart vs Mind” reading ahead teenage behaviour and relationships

Learning Forward Saturday focused on reflections from the book “Wanted Back-bencher Last-ranker Teacher” and on reading a chapter about Roma’s experience with teenage relationships. Brinda led the session by having participants share their reflections on the “Heart vs Mind” chapter, in which Rekha Sharma and Sneha shared insights into teachers’ responsibilities for understanding and supporting students’ emotional well-being. The group then read a chapter where Roma counselled two students, Arjun and Rakhi, about their romantic relationship, and later met with the students’ parents to discuss appropriate consequences. The discussion highlighted Roma’s mature approach to working with both teenagers and their parents, explaining the psychological and biological factors behind teenage behaviour and relationships. The session concluded with a brief discussion about Roma’s upcoming confrontation with a senior teacher, Simon Sir, regarding allegations about her behaviour with students.

Next steps: Brinda Conduct all future reading sessions on Saturday at 3:30pm. Collaboration All participants: Write and share reflections on the chapter read in the meeting, focusing on takeaways and personal insights as teachers, parents, or people who deal with teenagers. Summary Heart versus Mind Reflections The meeting focused on participants’ reflections on the chapter “Heart vs Mind.” Rekha Sharma shared that the chapter deepened her understanding of a teacher’s responsibilities, emphasising the importance of emotional security for students and balancing both heart and mind in teaching. Sangeeta Singh’s reflection highlighted the need for emotional support and understanding during adolescence, noting that students perform better when they feel valued and emotionally secure. Both reflections emphasised the importance of connecting with students’ emotions before addressing their behaviour and the role of both teachers and parents in nurturing emotionally strong individuals alongside academic excellence. Teen Relationship Counselling Discussion The meeting focused on reading and discussing a book called “Wanted Back-bencher Last Ranker Teacher” by Roma. The group read a chapter involving two teenagers, Arjun and Rakhi, who were caught by a teacher and discussed their relationship and the challenges it presented. Roma, the non-teacher protagonist, counselled the teenagers and later met with their parents to address the situation. The discussion highlighted the complexities of teenage relationships and the need for understanding and support from both parents and teachers during this developmental phase. Teenage Relationships and Behaviour Guidance The meeting focused on discussing teenage relationships and behaviour, with Roma providing insights on how to handle situations involving young students like Arjun and Rakhi. Roma explained that teenagers often seek emotional support through relationships and suggested that parents should communicate openly with their children rather than prohibit relationships. The discussion also covered how teenage brains are still developing, particularly in areas related to emotions and decision-making. The conversation ended with a brief discussion about a staff situation involving Roma and Simon Sir, regarding allegations that they took students to Club Paradise. Zoom notes AI can make mistakes. Review for accuracy.

Empathise and Connect with high-risk Teenage Behaviour to address it.

Learning Forward Saturday

To understand and address high-risk teenage behaviour through empathy and connection.

Key Takeaways

• Teen behaviour is often biological rather than rebellious. The developing teen brain drives risk-taking, making empathy and education more effective than punishment.

• Punishment is counterproductive. Suspension and expulsion create “alienation”—the very isolation teens seek to escape—and worsen the problem.

• “Academic Connection” is the solution. This approach values student effort and problem-solving, creating a supportive environment that provides a natural “high” from success.

• Teachers are the frontline defence. By building trust and making learning engaging, they provide the “shelter of loved ones” that gives students the confidence to resist peer pressure.

Topics

The Problem: Volatile Substance Abuse (BSA)

• The session explored Volatile Substance Abuse (BSA), a serious, often fatal, health hazard.

• Definition: Deliberate inhalation of volatile solvents (e.g., diluters, nail polish remover, glue) for intoxication.

• Motivation: Driven by psychological factors, not physical addiction.

  • Peer pressure and the desire to belong

  • The thrill of risk-taking

  • A misguided attempt to gain attention

The Flawed Solution: Punishment & Alienation

• Punishment (detention, suspension, expulsion) is a counterproductive response to BSA.

• Rationale: It creates “alienation”—the isolation teens are trying to escape—and thus exacerbates the problem instead of solving it.

The Effective Solution: Empathy & Connection

• An empathetic approach, combined with strong parent-teacher collaboration, is required.

• “Academic Connection” (Alan Mendler): A key strategy that values student thoughts, problem-solving, and effort.

  • Outcome: Creates a positive learning environment where students feel enthused to face challenges.

• Teacher’s Role:

  • Build Trust: Create a “culture of trust and learning” to prevent students from seeking risky alternatives.

  • Engage Students: Make school experiences interesting and relevant to keep students engaged and feeling valued.

  • Provide a “Shelter”: Offer a supportive environment that gives students the confidence to say “no” to peer pressure.

Real-World Application & Teacher Reflections

• Rekha Sharma: Built a personal connection with a nervous student, helping them overcome fear and win a competition.

• Pratiksha Dhiman: Connects with students individually during notebook checks, creating a safe space for them to share problems.

• Sandeep Dutt: Shared a poem highlighting the teacher’s multifaceted role as a counsellor, confidant, and guide.

Next Steps

• Sneha: Share the following in the WhatsApp group:

  • The term “Academic Connection” and Alan Mendler’s book, Connecting with Students to Limit High-Risk Behaviours.

  • The quote on analysing behaviour rationally and finding scientific causes.

  • The link to the “Right vs. Wrong” chapter summary podcast.

• All Participants:

  • Research “Academic Connection” and share reflections in the WhatsApp group.

  • Share personal experiences of helping students overcome fear or alienation. 

FATHOM AI-generated 

Happiness & Tolerance - Vandana Sharma

"Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions." 

This quote highlights how happiness comes from within and is not dependent on external factors. It also emphasizes how unhappiness can make life difficult by causing us to focus on what we lack rather than what we have, and how it can lead to a negative self-image and an obsession with others' opinions. Ultimately, the key to happiness is finding contentment and fulfilment in oneself and one's life. 

As an educator, I love doing my job with complete sincerity and commitment. I try my best to understand the needs of the students and deal with them most appropriately so that they succeed in their paths. Overall, being an educator can be a challenging yet rewarding experience, as it allows us to make a positive impact on the lives of the students and communities. 

There are a lot of challenges while upgrading ourselves and working day and night for our students. One of the biggest challenges is failing to understand the needs of a student. I generally overcome every challenge efficiently because of my compassionate attitude. 

In my teaching career, I came across a student who literally gave me a different outlook to understand problems. I would like to share that experience. 

I met a three-year-old student who just started his first year in primary school. He had always been a shy and introverted child who struggled to make friends. He found it challenging to speak up in class, and as a result, he needed to catch up on his studies. 

As the school year progressed, He began feeling increasingly unhappy. He felt isolated and excluded from class, so he dreaded going to school. He felt embarrassed and ashamed about his struggles and was afraid to ask for help. 

Despite my efforts to engage him in class and provide extra support, his grades continued to suffer. He started to act out in classes and became disruptive, which only made him feel worse. I noticed that he seemed unhappy. I tried speaking to him to find out what was going on, but he didn't want to talk about it.

Eventually, I reached out to his parents to discuss his behaviour and academic performance. Together, we tried to develop a plan to support and address his needs. I gradually developed an understanding and convinced his parents to cope and start engaging him in activities that he liked. With the help of his parents and a counsellor, he began making progress. He learnt new coping strategies and social skills, and he started feeling more confident and happy in school. 

In this scenario, his unhappiness is related to his struggles with socializing and academics. By working together, I, his parents, and a counsellor were able to provide the support he needed to overcome his challenges and thrive in school. He made me understand how important it is to understand the needs of a student and engage him in his interests throughout his educational journey to make him feel better and smarter. 

There could be different meanings when describing an intolerable student. To be honest, I have never come across an intolerable student. Though if I have to describe an intolerable student, I would say, an intolerable student is a student whose behaviour is not acceptable and creates a negative impact on the learning environment. 

This behaviour can range from disruptive, disrespectful, or aggressive behaviour towards peers, teachers, or school staff. Intolerable behaviour can cause harm to students, themselves, and the learning environment as a whole.

It's important to address intolerable behaviour early on to prevent it from escalating and to ensure a safe and positive learning environment for all students. Hypothetically, if I had to deal with an intolerable student, I would do the following:

1. Identify the root cause: Understanding the root cause of the student's behaviour is essential. It's important to talk to the student, listen to their concerns, and try to understand what's causing their behaviour.

2. Set clear expectations: Set clear expectations for behaviour and consequences for breaking the rules. Make sure that the student understands what is expected of them and the consequences of their actions. 

3. Use positive reinforcement: Positive reinforcement is an effective strategy for encouraging positive behaviour. Praising the students when they display positive behaviour can help reinforce that behaviour.

4. Use consequences: Teachers can use consequences when the student exhibits intolerable behaviour. Consequences should be clear, consistent, and fair. 

5. Provide support: Provide support to the student by offering resources and counselling. Working with the student to identify their strengths and areas of improvement can help them develop a positive attitude towards school and learning. 

6. Involve parents: Involving parents in the process can be helpful. Parents can provide insight into the student's behaviour at home and be a valuable ally in developing a plan to address the behaviour.

7. Be consistent: Consistency is key when dealing with intolerable behaviour. Students need to know what to expect and what will happen if they continue to exhibit such behaviour. 

My suggestion to all my fellow educators:

Building relationships with students is crucial for effective teaching and learning. Take the time to know your students, their interests, strengths and weaknesses and create a positive learning environment for their success. 

Encourage positivity, respect, and inclusivity in the classroom. With gradual efforts and a "never give up" attitude, every educator can achieve their goals and the students can achieve success in their educational journey.

 Vandana Sharma @KNPS Phagwara, India

Quality and Love - Roopa Bhattacharyya

A student who does a shoddy job with classwork and homework

The pandemic has had a telling effect on the writing ability of many children. In the last two years, assignments and tests were mainly based on google Forms and multiple-choice responses. The students were rarely required to submit classwork or homework in written form. So, when I started teaching grade three in physical classes last April, most students could not write words and sentences with clearly formed letters, as expected from a third grader. So, in addition to the regular work, I had to make them practice handwriting. While many improved, two children submitted shoddy work after six months. So, I gave them particular practice and motivated them to get a gold star for doing neat work. This has helped improve the quality of the classwork and homework. 

However, only one of the laggard children still needed to improve. Counselling the child showed that his parents could not help him due to their busy work schedule and general apathy towards education. The child was bright and knew all the answers orally. However, he could not write it down neatly; the handwriting needed to be legible. It took almost one year of constant motivation, and finally, the child is writing legibly now. 

Two underage students in a romantic relationship

Since teaching in the primary department, I have never encountered students in a romantic relationship. Nowadays, children are overexposed to TV and OTP platforms thus, they often say things like “I LOVE YOU” to other children, and immediately, some others respond “, HAW”. Some even go to the teacher and report this. So I, as a teacher, explain that love is a great feeling and nothing to be embarrassed by. I explain to them that their parents love them, they love their parents, they love their brothers and sisters, they love their teachers, and the teachers also love them. So, love is a feeling of concern and sharing. It is one of the noblest emotions. 

Roopa Bhattacharyya

Ahlcon Public School

Courage and Patience - Preeti Mahajan

A Fearful Student

Observation 

I was teaching English in class 6. The children were new to the senior wing and were trying to adjust to the new environment. One boy used to occupy the last seat always. He never made any attempt to answer the questions. His reading skills were also poor, and when talking to teachers, he used to stammer.

Action taken 

The child was handled politely and told that all the teachers were there to assist and guide him. They are not to be scared of. His classmates were sensitized to help him overcome his fears and apprehensions. He was given positive reinforcement quite often. After a few weeks, a good change was noticed.

My advice to the educators

1. Observe the child's unusual behaviour for at least one week 

2. Establish a good rapport with the child.

3. Talk to him and allow him to open up.

4. Sensitize his classmates about his fears and apprehensions.

5. Make the classroom environment happy and comfortable.

6. If the need arises, talk to the parents.

7. Scolding and snubbing are a complete no-no for such children.

8. Friendliness and politeness can do wonders to make a fearful child a confident one.

An impatient student

Observation

I noticed a child in class 7 who exhibited fidgety and restless behaviour. He never waited for his turn to

answer the questions. He did not allow others to speak. During recess time, he also pushed others to make his way to the canteen.

Action taken

After observing him for a few days, I approached and counselled him for the misbehaviour. He was told about the invaluable virtual of patience in our life by giving examples. Regular follow-up was done to check his mannerism. In about a month, a positive change was noticed in his behaviour.

My advice to the educators

1. Observe the child's behaviour for at least one week.

2. If the child exhibits impatient behaviour or restless attitude, try to know the reason

3. Counsel him and state the disadvantages of being impatient in life.

4. Give him some extra work to occupy him.

5. Mind games and puzzles can also be employed.

6. Most importantly, don't lose your own patience while handling an impatient child.

Preeti Mahajan
Ahlcon Public School 

Happiness and Tolerance - Transformers SHS

HAPPINESS

Excursions have always been expressed as journeys of exploration may be of places, cultures, traditions or values.

It was in the month of November when the students were escorted to Bengaluru as a school trip and you can quantify the customary excitement of the children moving out for a trip. To be precise, when we were on our way back to our home station, I was taken aback when I noticed that the train was rolling on late and we would be very late for lunch that was planned for us at around 1 o'clock in the afternoon. The realization of delay for lunch diluted the fun but surprisingly at Howrah Station, one of the parents was waiting with food packets. Oh my God! The shouts and the jumps are imaginable. I, along with Tirupati and Kishen, decided to distribute first and enjoy the packets. Unfortunately, when it was for us to check what's there to the stomach, there was no packet left. To address the disappointment, I bought a loaf of bread and was trying to convince them. However, the happiness that Tirupati and Kishen expressed was beyond my imagination and worth learning from. They found it in the satisfaction their friends had. Tirupati said," Sir we are happy to see our friends happy and satisfied." That was the "Wow" moment for me to celebrate as a teacher.

Hunger or crisis as such really seems not to be strong enough to stop someone from being happy.

TOLERANCE

I am so fortunate that it was not labelled as "favouritism" by the educated circle that I belong to. This is a story about a child in my class in the previous session(2019-2020). He is described with words such as a good academic performer, naughty, good in the sports field, disrespectful, supportive but incorrigible. In due course of counselling, I learnt about his discovery or rather identification of a sense of insecurity which was the consequence of him being reprimanded several times. However, respecting him for what he is and guiding him in all his actions throughout have helped me learn that acceptance break the shell of insecurity and helps in building confidence that is steadily making him drive a vehicle of positivity forward. He seemingly is trying his best but may not be successful at all times. What satisfies me as a teacher is when I find myself as one of those whom people look up to for acceptance.

- Sangharsh Chettri <sangharsh.chettri88@gmail.com> for Transformers at Sacred Heart School Siliguri

Maree Scully: Changing from the Inside Out

“Should I invest money in coaching or put it towards new clothes?”  The person who asked me this question had just finished describing her need to overcome a longstanding and destructive personal habit.

While it’s always tempting to add to our wardrobe, a new look on the outside will never bring inner growth and desired change.  We often misunderstand how growth and heart transformation take place.  We think that perhaps with more discipline and stronger willpower, we can do this on our own.  Sometimes that does work!  But there is a healthier way to grow and change.

Recently I was watching a documentary on ‘Breaking the Food Seduction’ and the doctor mentioned as a throw-away comment that it is not possible to change our eating habits on our own.  He mentioned that a little bit of group support makes the difference between success and failure.  A group that meets regularly and shares successes, stories, and challenges, will change their eating habits and their lives!

Some years ago I read the book ‘How People Grow’ by Dr’s Townsend and Cloud.  The overwhelming thought that I came away with is that God designed us to grow in the community – with loving supportive and accountable relationships.  It was never intended that we run this journey of life on our own, yet we have somehow perfected it through our tendency towards keeping up appearances, busyness and building walls to keep others out.

One of the things I love about coaching is that it enables people to grow and change in a supportive, safe, loving, accountable relationship.  The coach works with you on a journey of self-discovery. To this end, he or she will challenge you and ask you difficult and maybe uncomfortable questions.  The coach creates a safe place for you to reflect, think deeply, and arrive at a point of greater awareness that results in a commitment to change. 

Even good friends or colleagues don’t always hold each other accountable or intentionally encourage growth.   Maybe you have colleagues with whom you can be transparent and who may be willing to ask you ‘What progress are you making in that area of leadership?’  Why not give them permission to ask?  Let’s stop trying to change and grow on our own.  Find people, whether it be a coach, a friend, a colleague or a mentor, to journey with you, to support and challenge you in your leadership growth. 
This morning I read an article by Laura McCamy on ‘6 things people who are good with money always splurge on’.  She quotes a personal finance expert as saying that coaching can be a good career investment for entrepreneurs and employees alike. "Whatever is hard for you and challenging for you, investing in a coach to help you with that," she said, is a worthwhile investment.  Coaching is an investment in your growth.

Let’s not stay stuck on the inside while sporting our new wardrobe on the outside!
Maree Scully
coaching4growthltd@gmail.com
www.coaching4growth.co.nz

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