"The Courage to Be Disliked" and "The Courage to Be Happy" by Fumitake Koga and Ichiro Kishimi are based on Alfred Adler's individual psychology. The author relates to the youth in the book who is doubtful, questioning, angry, and struggles with an inferiority complex and a tendency to people-please.
The summary of the core concepts is structured around the nights of conversation between the youth and the philosopher:
• First Night: Courage to Change. The focus is on "lifestyle," "decision," and the "courage to change." The idea is that changing one's lifestyle, thought, and action tendencies alters one's interaction with the world, despite the anxieties involved.
• Second Night: Interpersonal Relationships. All problems stem from "interpersonal relationship problems." The author notes they struggled with this, often viewing others as enemies rather than allies.
• Third Night: Freedom from Recognition. True freedom is achieved by having the courage to be disliked and to "deny the desire for recognition" by practising "task separation." The core message is: "Do not live to satisfy the expectations of others." Being disliked signifies freedom, as the desire for recognition makes one dependent on others' judgment.
• Fourth Night: Community Feeling and Contribution. To find happiness, one must move beyond self-centeredness and develop a sense of belonging to a broader community—beyond just work or family—and focus on making meaningful contributions to it. This involves shifting from a vertical (power/hierarchy) to a horizontal relationship (comrades/partners) approach and using encouragement instead of praise or punishment.
• Fifth Night: Self-Acceptance and Living in the Now. The final night discusses "self-acceptance"—embracing oneself as ordinary—and focusing on the "now." Adler's psychology suggests that "life in general has no meaning. Whatever meaning life has must be assigned by the individual." The path to freedom and happiness is to live earnestly in the present moment.
The author concludes with the three main ideas for achieving freedom and happiness from the first book:
1. Self-Acceptance: Accepting oneself as an ordinary person who does not need recognition.
2. Building Horizontal Relationships: Seeing people as comrades, not in a power hierarchy, which enhances one's value and contribution.
3. Moments of "Now": Focusing on living earnestly in the present.
The second book, "The Courage to Be Happy," expands on these ideas, clarifying concepts such as empathy versus sympathy, discussing the concept of love, and advocating for removing oneself from a victimhood mindset ("That Bad Person and Poor Me").
Three years after their first conversation, the young man finds himself disillusioned and disappointed, convinced Adler’s teachings only work in theory, not in practice. However, through further discussions between the philosopher and the young man, they deepen their understanding of Adler’s powerful teachings and acquire the tools necessary to apply them to the chaos of everyday life.
The Youth is now a teacher and meets the Philosopher for the second time to find out the meaning of life and living. He must learn to manage his students and develop his interpersonal skills.
We’d love for teachers and anyone who loves reading and thinking deeply to come join us every Saturday at 5:30 PM for a yearly fee of Rs 3000. We’ll be acting out stories on Zoom. Gurdeep will be the Youth and Sandeep will be the Philosopher, and we promise to have some great conversations and #JoyOfLearning.
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