You Are Not the Centre of the World

Read And Lead - Masterclass 2026

The meeting discussed the book "The Courage to Be Disliked" by Fumitake Koga and Ichiro Kishimi. We elaborated on the concept of community feeling, emphasising horizontal relationships over vertical ones. The discussion highlighted the pitfalls of praise and rebuke and advocated encouragement and gratitude instead. The session also addressed the importance of contributing to the community in building self-worth and courage. Participants shared their thoughts on applying these principles in various contexts, including education and work.

Key Takeaways

  - Reject Vertical Relationships: Avoid praise and rebuke, as they create a manipulative hierarchy. Instead, establish horizontal relationships grounded in mutual respect.

  - Practice Encouragement: Replace judgment with gratitude ("Thank you") to acknowledge effort and foster courage. This affirms a person's value without creating dependency.

  - Find Belonging Through Contribution: A true sense of worth comes from feeling beneficial to the community, not from external validation.

  - Use the "Larger Community" Principle: When facing hardship, remember the world is bigger than your immediate problem. This perspective provides a refuge and prevents minor issues from becoming overwhelming.

The "Rolling Stone" Analogy

  - The session began with a reflection on the "rolling stone" analogy from the previous week's reading.

  - Meaning: A person who seeks constant validation loses their "sharp corners" (individuality) and becomes powerless, carried away by societal currents.

  - Contrast: True freedom involves standing firm and speaking up, not conforming to the herd.

"You Are Not the Centre of the World"

  - The book's core premise: while you are the protagonist of your own life, you are a member of a community, not its centre.

  - Self-Centred View: Treating others as existing to serve you (the "prince/princess" complex) leads to disillusionment and resentment when expectations are not met.

  - "Globe vs. Map" Analogy:

      - Map: A flat, subjective view with one's own location at the centre.

      - Globe: A spherical, objective view where every point is a potential centre, illustrating that no single person is the absolute centre.

  - Active Contribution: A sense of belonging is earned through active contribution, not passive presence. It requires asking, "What can I give to this person?"

The "Larger Community" Principle

  - Adler's concept of community is infinite, extending beyond immediate circles to include the entire universe.

  - Purpose: To provide a refuge when struggling in a smaller community (e.g., school, workplace).

  - Application: When facing adversity, listen to the "voice of the larger community."

      - Example: If a teacher is authoritarian, remember that in the larger community of human society, you are equals. This perspective empowers you to object to unreasonable demands.

Vertical vs. Horizontal Relationships

  - The book advocates for rejecting vertical relationships (hierarchy) in favour of horizontal relationships (equality).

  - Vertical Relationships:

      - Praise & Rebuke: Both are manipulative tools that create a hierarchy.

          - Praise: A judgment from a "superior" to an "inferior."

          - Rebuke: The "stick" to praise's "carrot."

      - Intervention: Forcing your will on another's task, driven by a belief in your own superiority.

  - Horizontal Relationships:

      - Encouragement: The alternative to praise/rebuke. It is assistance that respects task separation.

      - Gratitude: Expressing thanks ("Thank you") acknowledges effort without judgment.

          - Why it works: It allows a person to subjectively feel they are beneficial, which builds courage.

          - Contrast with Praise: Praise forces adaptation to another's values, limiting freedom.

Discussion & Application

  - Teacher-Student Dynamics: The group discussed how praise creates an unconscious vertical hierarchy in the classroom.

  - My Good School Model: The organisation was cited as an example of a horizontal structure.

      - Key Elements: Openness, accessibility, and a focus on challenging opportunities over direct praise.

      - Rationale: Providing challenging work demonstrates confidence in a person's ability, fostering internal fulfilment.

Next Steps

  - Gurdeep:

      - Share the Otter AI summary and bookmarked page in the WhatsApp group.

Freedom and the Fear of Dislike

Reading from The Courage To Be Disliked by Fumitake Koga and Ichiro Kishimi. To explore Adlerian psychology's concepts of freedom and community.

Key Takeaways

• Freedom is the courage to be disliked. It means living by your own principles, not being a "slave to inclination" (Kant) or seeking constant recognition.

• "Separation of tasks" is the tool for freedom. It defines boundaries by focusing on your own tasks (e.g., leading a horse to water) and letting go of others' outcomes (e.g., whether the horse drinks).

• Fear of judgment is self-centred. This fear stems from an "attachment to self," not concern for others. True connection requires shifting to "social interest" and seeing others as comrades.

• Adlerian psychology is "Individual Psychology" because the self is "indivisible." It rejects dualisms (e.g., mind/body, reason/emotion) and views individuals as whole, choosing their actions and emotions.

Topics

Freedom & the Courage to Be Disliked

• The universal desire for recognition (Kant's "inclination") makes one a "slave to desire."

• Analogy: A stone rolling downhill is unfree; a human resisting inclination and climbing uphill is free.

• Core Principle: Freedom is being disliked by some, as it proves you are living by your own principles.

  • Note: This is not a call to wrongdoing, but to be unconcerned by others' judgment.

• Cost of Freedom: The possibility of not being recognised.

Separation of Tasks: The Tool for Freedom

• Principle: Define clear boundaries by focusing only on your own tasks.

• Example (The Philosopher's Father):

  • Problem: A strained relationship, attributed to a childhood trauma.

  • Freudian (Aetiology) View: The trauma caused the bad relationship.

  • Adlerian (Teleology) View: The memory was used to justify not repairing the relationship.

  • Solution: The philosopher focused on his own task—resolving to repair the relationship—without expecting his father to change.

  • Outcome: The father eventually said "Thank you," showing the power of focusing on one's own actions.

Community Feeling: The Goal of Relationships

• Critique of Task Separation: The student argued that it leads to isolation.

• Philosopher's Clarification: Task separation is a starting point, not an end in itself. It untangles relationship threads to enable true connection.

• Goal of Relationships: "Community feeling," or "social interest."

  • Definition: Seeing others as comrades, finding refuge in the community, and desiring to contribute.

  • Adler's "Community": An all-inclusive ideal (past, present, future, all life) that is an "unattainable ideal" but a necessary guide.

Self-Centeredness vs. Social Interest

• Self-Centeredness: An "attachment to self" focused solely on the "I."

  • Includes: Tyrants, egotists, and those obsessed with recognition.

  • Rationale: Worrying about others' opinions is self-centred because it is a concern for how they satisfy your desire for recognition.

• Social Interest: A "concern for others" that shifts focus from self to community.

• The Dilemma: The student questioned this, arguing that the self is the natural protagonist of one's life.

Next Steps

• Sandeep Dutt: Write the Sunday newsletter, including the Good Schools Alliance's new governing council.

• All Participants:

  • Reflect on the concepts of freedom, task separation, and self-centeredness.

  • Share reflections in the WhatsApp group or request a blogger ID for the website.

  • Meet next Saturday to continue the discussion.

Freedom and Interpersonal Relationships

Read And Lead

To read and discuss Adlerian psychology concepts from The Courage to Be Disliked.

Key Takeaways

• New Reading Process: Screen-sharing the book via read.amazon.com is now standard. This ensures everyone is on the same page, eliminates the need for physical books, and improves focus.
• Adler's Three Tasks: Life's core challenges are Work, Friendship, and Love. Love is the most difficult, requiring treating partners as "equal personalities" to avoid the distrust and control that destroy relationships.
• The "Life Lie": People create excuses (e.g., disliking someone) to avoid these tasks. This is a failure of courage, not a moral flaw, and is rooted in a self-chosen lifestyle rather than past trauma (teleology vs. aetiology).
• Rejecting Recognition: Seeking external validation is a trap that forces one to live for others' expectations, suppressing one's "I-ness." True freedom comes from self-validation and the "separation of tasks."

Process Update: Screen-Sharing

• Problem: Physical books create friction (different page numbers, bookmarks, dual-screen juggling), hindering group focus and excluding participants without a copy.
• Solution: Screen-share the book via read.amazon.com.
• Rationale: This ensures everyone is on the same page, simplifies navigation, and removes the need for physical books.
• Training: Sandeep guided Gurdeep through the process, demonstrating how to use the in-browser Kindle reader and its chapter navigation menu.

Adler's Three Life Tasks

The book's core concept: life's three unavoidable interpersonal tasks.

1. Work: A relationship with no workplace compulsion.

2. Friendship: A relationship difficult to initiate or deepen.

Key Insight: Depth and distance are more valuable than the number of acquaintances.

Action: Change yourself first; others will adapt.

3. Love: The most difficult task, divided into two stages:

Love Relationships:

• Problem: The closeness of love can lead to restriction and jealousy.
• Adler's View: Restriction is a manifestation of distrust and control.
• Solution: Treat partners as "equal personalities" to foster a calm, natural state of freedom.
• Parent-Child Relationships:
• Problem: A non-optional relationship ("rigid chains") that is fundamentally harder than a love relationship ("red string").
• Action: Face distressful relationships directly; avoidance is the worst option.

The "Life Lie" & Courage

• Concept: People invent pretexts to avoid life tasks, shifting responsibility to others or the environment. Example: Disliking someone is a goal chosen before finding their flaws, as a way to prevent an interpersonal relationship.
• Rationale: This is a failure of courage, not a moral flaw.

Adlerian Psychology: A "psychology of use" (teleology), where one chooses a lifestyle, not a "psychology of possession" (aetiology) determined by the past.

The Desire for Recognition

Problem: The Youth's parents' expectations created pressure and a desire for their recognition.

Adler's View: The desire for recognition is a trap that must be denied.

Mechanism: It stems from "reward and punishment education," where one acts appropriately only for praise.

Consequence: This leads to living for others' expectations, suppressing one's "I-ness."

Solution: True freedom comes from self-validation and the "separation of tasks," a concept to be explored next.

Group Reflection

Shalini: Freedom is the absence of needing external validation.

Latha: The need for validation can stem from uncertainty, but it also creates a dependency that fuels inferiority.

Minakshi: Both inferiority and superiority complexes arise from seeking external validation. Self-validation is the key to confidence.

Sandeep: A child learns to walk alone, not for validation. This natural process is often conditioned by adult reactions.

Community Updates

Yesterday's Session: A "brewing knowledge set" session with Dr Manu Kapoor was highly successful.

Potential Collaboration: Dr Kapoor may partner with Learning Forward to improve teaching and learning systems.

Community Model: Learning Forward and the Good Schools Alliance are community-driven, with participants joining for shared purpose, not salary.

Next Steps

All: Reflect on the nature of freedom and the "separation of tasks."

All: Read the newsletter and review the show notes for the Dr Manu Kapoor video.

Group: Continue reading from the "Separation of Tasks" section next session.

Anger is a tool for power struggles, not a spontaneous emotion.

Read And Lead - Sandeep Dutt’s Masterclass 2026

Discussing Adlerian psychology on competition, anger, and life tasks.

Key Takeaways

• Life is not a competition against others; it's a pursuit of superiority over one's past self. Comparing yourself to others creates an enemy mindset, preventing genuine happiness.

• Anger is a tool for power struggles, not a spontaneous emotion. To de-escalate, disengage from provocation and use language to communicate, as anger clouds judgment and leads to poor decisions.

• All problems are interpersonal. Adler's "life tasks" (work, friendship, love) are unavoidable relationships that require courage to face. Avoiding them is the root of unhappiness.

• A "tree with solid roots" is a metaphor for resilience. It stands firm against storms (life's challenges) by being deeply rooted in its own values, embodying the "courage to be disliked."

Topics

Review of "Second Night" with a review of the session. The session began with a review of blog reflections on the "Second Night" chapter.

• Shalini Gupta's reflection: Interpersonal problems stem from comparison. A healthy feeling of inferiority (vs. an ideal self) drives improvement, while an inferiority complex (vs. others) is destructive.

• Akanksha's 10 insights (read by Shalini Singh): Key points included changing the meaning of weaknesses, understanding arrogance as pain, and recognizing that true confidence is quiet.

Life Is Not a Competition

• The group read the chapter "Life is not a competition."

• Adler's "pursuit of superiority": This is a forward-moving mindset, not a competitive one. The goal is to progress past your past self, not to be better than others.

• Equality vs. Sameness: People are not the same (in knowledge, experience, etc.) but are fundamentally equal in value.

• The "Enemy" Mindset: Competition turns others into rivals, creating a "perilous" world view. This prevents genuine celebration of others' happiness.

• The "Tree with Solid Roots" Metaphor: A tree with deep roots withstands any storm. This symbolizes the resilience gained by being rooted in one's own values, embodying the "courage to be disliked."

From Power Struggle to Revenge

• The group read the chapter "You are the only one worrying about your appearance," which details the escalation of conflict.

• Personal Anger vs. Righteous Indignation:

  • Personal Anger: A tool to make others submit.

  • Righteous Indignation: A logical response to injustice, not a personal grudge.

• The Escalation Cycle:

  1. Power Struggle: A challenge to prove dominance.

  2. Revenge: The next stage if one party "wins." The loser seeks retaliation in another form.

     • Example: A child's problem behavior (e.g., self-harm) is a goal-oriented act of revenge to upset parents, not a direct result of past trauma.

• Breaking the Cycle:

  • Disengage: Step down from power struggles immediately.

  • Use Language: Communicate logically instead of relying on anger.

  • Admit Mistakes: This is not defeat; it's a sign of strength that allows for correct choices.

The Life Tasks

• The group read the chapter "All problems are interpersonal relationship problems."

• The "Courage to be Happy": The inability to see others as comrades stems from a lack of courage to face life's tasks.

• Adler's Life Tasks: Three unavoidable categories of interpersonal relationships:

  1. Work: Relationships with the lowest hurdles, focused on a common goal. Avoiding these tasks leads to issues like NEETs (Not in Education, Employment, or Training).

  2. Friendship

  3. Love

• The Core Issue: It is not the work itself that is disagreeable, but the fear of criticism and the injury to one's dignity from others.

Next Steps

• Sandeep Dutt: Share meeting notes and recording.

• All Participants:

  • Attend the Brewing Knowledge Friday Meet and Greet with author Dr. Manu Kapoor on Friday, Nov 28, at 5:30 PM.

  • Prepare questions for Dr Kapoor, including those related to Adlerian psychology.

  • The link will be shared in the group.

Reading My Good School - 14th March 2025

My Good School: Where Passion Meets Education, by Sandeep Dutt and published by Rupa Publications Pvt Ltd. Read with us every Friday afternoon.

Quick recap

Sandeep led a discussion on the importance of continuous learning and leadership in education, emphasizing the role of principals and teachers as chief learning leaders. He highlighted essential qualities for educators, including integrity, empathy, and the ability to inspire, while stressing the need for a balanced approach to teaching and administrative responsibilities. The session also covered the significance of mentorship, effective communication, and relationship-building in creating a positive learning environment, with Sandeep encouraging participants to engage in regular reading, reflection, and professional development activities.

Next steps

• Minakshi will note down and remind Sandeep about discussing the book "Schools That Learn" in a future session.

• All participants are encouraged to subscribe to the GSI (Good Schools of India) Journal at gsi. in for weekly updates and session recaps.

• Vidyotma will share the registration information for the Friday session with teachers in her school.

• All participants are to plan to attend the Friday sessions at 5:30 PM for reading and reflection.

• All participants are to look out for the addition of art sessions on Fridays in the future.

Summary

Teacher Proficiencies and Life Purpose

Sandeep discusses the importance of teachers developing proficiencies in reading, art, poetry, and music to become better educators. He emphasizes the need for teachers to continually learn and reflect, comparing it to a daily necessity like eating. Sandeep also shared a passage about the importance of understanding one's purpose in life and the value of the human soul, encouraging the participants to consider why they were present at the session.

Principal's Role in School Leadership

Sandeep discussed the role of a principal as the chief learning leader in schools. He emphasized that the principal should lead by example, motivate, coach, inspire, teach, mentor, be a visionary, ensure teamwork, and lead by example. Sandeep also highlighted the importance of continuous learning and the need for a systems approach. He mentioned the book "Schools that Learn" by Peter Senge, which they plan to read after finishing "My Good School". Sandeep also discussed the limitations of the current schooling system, which Sandeep believes has commoditized education. He suggested that education should be viewed as an intangible wealth rather than a commodity.

Leading by Example in Education

Sandeep emphasized the importance of a chief learning leader being a learner, having good governance, and having active participation from all stakeholders. He highlighted the need for a leader to lead by example for teachers, students, and the community. Minakshi shared her teacher experience and the importance of leading by example, emphasizing the need for virtues and humility. Sandeep also mentioned the need for a leader to fulfill their purpose, otherwise they have done nothing.

Teacher's Role in School Leadership

Sandeep discussed the role of a teacher and principal in a school setting, emphasizing the importance of leadership, mentorship, and creating a positive learning environment. He highlighted the need for a balanced approach encompassing teaching and administrative responsibilities. Sandeep also stressed the significance of effective communication and relationship-building with parents and the community. He concluded by encouraging continuous learning and setting higher standards for oneself, which he believes is essential for a successful learning leader.

Choosing the Right Mentor for Success

Sandeep discussed the importance of choosing a mentor rather than a monitor for a class. He emphasized that a mentor should be someone who can inspire, value their position, and commit to being disciplined. Sandeep also highlighted the challenges of finding the right mentor, such as peer pressure, physical strength, and academic performance. He suggested that a compassionate and loving individual would make the best mentor. Minakshi agreed, emphasizing the importance of empathy in a mentor. Sandeep concluded by mentioning a trophy for love and compassion at his school, suggesting that this quality is crucial for a good mentor.

School Leader Qualities and Student Mentors

Sandeep discussed the essential qualities of a school leader, emphasizing integrity, autonomy, group dynamics, human relations, positioning, and task effectiveness. He highlighted the importance of self-direction, trust, and valuing all individuals in creating a positive organizational environment. Sandeep also mentioned the role of student mentors in promoting a safer school environment and advancing the school's mission.

Introducing Right Side Story and Taurian World School

Sandeep introduced a new partner, Right Side Story, and welcomed Taurian World School. He encouraged participants to subscribe to the weekly newsletter featuring news, reflections, and relationship-building opportunities. He also mentioned that the newsletter will include links to the chapters they've read and the blog where these chapters come from. Sandeep emphasized the importance of reading, reflection, and relationship-building for teachers. He also mentioned that they will start doing art on Fridays and focus on becoming a teacher. Vidyotma agreed to share the session with her teachers and expressed her appreciation for the session.

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Be The Change - Sunita Mehta

This episode has been published and can be heard everywhere your podcast is available.

My Good School presents Joy Of Reading.

The community reading program helps inspire you by reading and reflecting, sharing examples of where children and adults in real life are using values and is very useful to stimulate discussion and philosophical debate. The Joy Of Reading Program is only one part of our Life Skills Program - Reading, Speaking and Writing.

On Sunday mornings at 11.00 AM, you can join us for live reading sessions. Best you attend with a copy of the book and experience the Joy of Reading.  #ReadToLead

Post the session; the readers may want to reflect and share real-life experiences. Our blog www.JoyOfLearningDiaries.com helps them express themselves in writing, audio, video, graphic, poetry, or how they experience the joy of learning.

Dr Anupam Sibal Through his experience as a father, paediatrician and Group Medical Director of Apollo Hospitals Group, Dr Anupam Sibal outlines his approach to effectively getting through to children and mastering the art of parenthood. Focusing on the different values and qualities that make a good person, Dr Sibal has a hands-on approach to instil each in a child. Is Your Child Ready To Face The World? Focusing on the different values and qualities that make a good person, Dr Sibal has a hands-on approach to instil each in a child. Exploring the crux of parenting, this book asks and answers whether your child is ready to face the world.

Abstract by Dr Noella Pereira

Dr Anupam Sibal's book titled "Is Your Child Ready To Face The World?" is an inspirational compilation of essential values that we need to teach our children. It instils in us the importance of imbibing these values before introducing them to our children. It emphasizes the need to be humble, compassionate, forgiving, honest, grateful, and, most importantly, the change we would like to see in others. Through his experiences as a paediatrician and father, he masters the art of conveying each virtue to his son. This book teaches us lessons for life—a must-read for all individuals wishing to make a change in today's world.

18 Chapters

1. Humility; 2. Beating The Odds; 3. It's Never Too Late; 4. Courage; 5. Handling Pressure; 6. Making Mistakes Accepting Flaws; 7. Be A Dreamer; 8. Finding Your Calling; 9. Compassion; 10. Making Others Happy; 11, Never Give Up Hope; 12. Determination; 13. Giving; 14. Be The Change; 15. Gratitude; 16. Goals; 17. Honesty; and 18. Forgiveness.

Be The Change

Chapter 13, narrated by Sunita Mehta, Headmistress Gyanshree School Noida, India

Nathan Strenge "I am passionate about Education...

Listen to the podcast.

In addition to serving as USA Country Lead for HundrED, Nathan facilitates conversations with learners around the globe as a Senior Learning Designer at Fielding International

Episode # 62 Sandeep Dutt in conversation with Nathan Strenge, a Senior Learning Designer at Fielding International, works with innovative schools and educators worldwide to create environments where learners and communities thrive. In addition to his role at Fielding, Nathan serves as USA Country Lead at HundrED and is an active member of the Education Reimagined Learning Lab community. He enjoys facilitating conversations that bring together youth, educators, and community members to re-envision the future of education – he’s optimistic that all over the world people are reimagining how education can be designed to cultivate learners with agency and aspirations to contribute to a better world.  He can help schools find the right problem to solve, and illuminate the path to solve it through a workshop called Align to Thrive. He as taught high school statistics and mathematics for ten years before going into school design and innovative education. He has won a national teaching award for my work in personalized learning that focused on relationships and holistic well-being. In the podcast, he shares what youth voice is important, and the need for building learning centres where empathy and listening help change the paradigm. Nathan looks forward to connecting with people working at the forefront of 21st-century learning to make a healthier, more equitable, and loving world.

You will love the stories shared by our happy teachers and passionate educators. We grow your people's capacity to improve student achievement and transform your school into a culture of trust and collaboration in less time with fewer resources. Each person in your school contributes to the culture of your school. School culture is built on the actions and interactions of the people. You make your school stronger by adding value to others and making others feel valued. 

Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/learningforward/support

If you would like to feature on the Learning Forward Podcast, share your story by email with Sandeep Dutt LF@ebd.in

Hanna Dudich "I am passionate about Education...

Listen to the Podcast - Learning Forward Saturday 9th January 2021

Episode #59: Sandeep Dutt in conversation with Hanna Dudich a teacher of English and a vice-principal at Taras Shevchenko Himnazia in Kropyvnytskyi, Ukraine. She has been teaching for 20 years. She is a Country Lead and HundrED Ambassador, a PenPal Schools Ambassador, a Microsoft Innovative Educator Expert, a Nearpod Certified Educator, a National Geographic Certified Educator, a Scientix Ambassador, a NAYTEA STEAM Ambassador, a SIMA Teachers Award 2020 recipient. In 2017 Hanna became a Global Teacher Award top 50 finalist and a Global Teacher Award Ambassador, which allowed her to connect with education leaders. Hanna shares how she grew up with limited resources, the role her teacher played in helping her explore the wider world in a country that was very much not connected with the world, tourist did not frequent Ukraine as they do today. She grew up doing a lot of reading and writing, got an opportunity to go on an exchange as a student and get a first-hand feel of what she describes as a 'culture shock'. Today with the world getting smaller due to better communication and use of technology, we can virtually experience how life and living differ in other countries.  Hanna grew up with a teacher who had a great world view, they got magazines in English to read, listened to music in English and made penpals. Today she communicates with people with the use of Zoom, email and even travels. The idea of her teacher to invite visitors and the scant foreign tourist to the class for discovering how people live in other parts of the world may now seem alien! 

You will love the stories shared by our happy teachers and passionate educators. We grow your people's capacity to improve student achievement and transform your school into a culture of trust and collaboration in less time with fewer resources. Each person in your school contributes to the culture of your school. School culture is built on the actions and interactions of the people. You make your school stronger by adding value to others and making others feel valued. 

Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/learningforward/support

If you would like to feature on the Learning Forward Podcast, share your story by email with Sandeep Dutt LF@ebd.in