Reflection from the Masterclass of 10th Jan 2026

True self-worth and happiness come from feeling beneficial to the community — from knowing that our existence contributes to others. When we act with the intention to contribute, we naturally feel happier. However, this contribution should be free from the desire for recognition or praise, because expecting acknowledgement only traps us in dependency on others' approval.

Often, when people — especially children — cannot gain attention through healthy means, they resort to inappropriate or disruptive behaviour. Many children misbehave not because they are "bad," but because they want to be seen and heard. Every child needs to be listened to so they don't grow up feeling inferior.

Adults, too, sometimes engage in exaggerated behaviours to assert superiority or to stand out. In such environments, what is initially abnormal gradually becomes normalised. The Adlerian view reminds us that freedom, contribution, and belonging in community are essential foundations of a healthy sense of self.

Shalini Gupta

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You Are Not the Centre of the World

Read And Lead - Masterclass 2026

The meeting discussed the book "The Courage to Be Disliked" by Fumitake Koga and Ichiro Kishimi. We elaborated on the concept of community feeling, emphasising horizontal relationships over vertical ones. The discussion highlighted the pitfalls of praise and rebuke and advocated encouragement and gratitude instead. The session also addressed the importance of contributing to the community in building self-worth and courage. Participants shared their thoughts on applying these principles in various contexts, including education and work.

Key Takeaways

  - Reject Vertical Relationships: Avoid praise and rebuke, as they create a manipulative hierarchy. Instead, establish horizontal relationships grounded in mutual respect.

  - Practice Encouragement: Replace judgment with gratitude ("Thank you") to acknowledge effort and foster courage. This affirms a person's value without creating dependency.

  - Find Belonging Through Contribution: A true sense of worth comes from feeling beneficial to the community, not from external validation.

  - Use the "Larger Community" Principle: When facing hardship, remember the world is bigger than your immediate problem. This perspective provides a refuge and prevents minor issues from becoming overwhelming.

The "Rolling Stone" Analogy

  - The session began with a reflection on the "rolling stone" analogy from the previous week's reading.

  - Meaning: A person who seeks constant validation loses their "sharp corners" (individuality) and becomes powerless, carried away by societal currents.

  - Contrast: True freedom involves standing firm and speaking up, not conforming to the herd.

"You Are Not the Centre of the World"

  - The book's core premise: while you are the protagonist of your own life, you are a member of a community, not its centre.

  - Self-Centred View: Treating others as existing to serve you (the "prince/princess" complex) leads to disillusionment and resentment when expectations are not met.

  - "Globe vs. Map" Analogy:

      - Map: A flat, subjective view with one's own location at the centre.

      - Globe: A spherical, objective view where every point is a potential centre, illustrating that no single person is the absolute centre.

  - Active Contribution: A sense of belonging is earned through active contribution, not passive presence. It requires asking, "What can I give to this person?"

The "Larger Community" Principle

  - Adler's concept of community is infinite, extending beyond immediate circles to include the entire universe.

  - Purpose: To provide a refuge when struggling in a smaller community (e.g., school, workplace).

  - Application: When facing adversity, listen to the "voice of the larger community."

      - Example: If a teacher is authoritarian, remember that in the larger community of human society, you are equals. This perspective empowers you to object to unreasonable demands.

Vertical vs. Horizontal Relationships

  - The book advocates for rejecting vertical relationships (hierarchy) in favour of horizontal relationships (equality).

  - Vertical Relationships:

      - Praise & Rebuke: Both are manipulative tools that create a hierarchy.

          - Praise: A judgment from a "superior" to an "inferior."

          - Rebuke: The "stick" to praise's "carrot."

      - Intervention: Forcing your will on another's task, driven by a belief in your own superiority.

  - Horizontal Relationships:

      - Encouragement: The alternative to praise/rebuke. It is assistance that respects task separation.

      - Gratitude: Expressing thanks ("Thank you") acknowledges effort without judgment.

          - Why it works: It allows a person to subjectively feel they are beneficial, which builds courage.

          - Contrast with Praise: Praise forces adaptation to another's values, limiting freedom.

Discussion & Application

  - Teacher-Student Dynamics: The group discussed how praise creates an unconscious vertical hierarchy in the classroom.

  - My Good School Model: The organisation was cited as an example of a horizontal structure.

      - Key Elements: Openness, accessibility, and a focus on challenging opportunities over direct praise.

      - Rationale: Providing challenging work demonstrates confidence in a person's ability, fostering internal fulfilment.

Next Steps

  - Gurdeep:

      - Share the Otter AI summary and bookmarked page in the WhatsApp group.

Self Reinvent - Richa Solanki

There is a phase in your life when you may need to learn how to reinvent yourself. This could come when you experience big things. If you are going through a major situation in your life or facing some challenges you may have to find new ways of thinking or doing things or take a risk.  You can also achieve this only when you take a leap of faith and make things happen for yourself.

Although it is important that you learn to rely on yourself when facing any challenge, it is also important to have a support of anyone who motivates and guide us if anyone is not, then be yourself motivator and this thing will come into your mind when you give a boost to your mind when things get too tough and to correct you when you’re making mistakes. 

It is different between independence and dependence. Don’t be afraid to be sharing the difficulties you’re facing. When you open up, you’ll find the people who are really going to be there for you. During the process of learning how to reinvent yourself, you will have to pull yourself away from your past things, comfort zones, habits, and roles. Yes, it is difficult and you will question your self-worth, so it’s important to adopt in self-care to maintain positive thinking and keep your mind and body healthy as you face the challenges that come in your path.

If sometimes you want space then mention self-care by participating in a hobby you enjoy and spending time with your love ones. Taking some time to walk in nature. Practice love, kindness and meditation. Find what works for you and what helps you feel like your real self as you want a perfect version of you. To Reinvent Yourself, you have to sure that you are equipped with all the solutions that you are facing. Develop your strengths. This will provide valuable information on how you deal with certain situations. If you have this information, you will be able to manage difficulties more efficiently.

Richa Solanki 

The Fabindia School

rsi@fabindiaschools.in