You Are Not the Centre of the World

Read And Lead - Masterclass 2026

The meeting discussed the book "The Courage to Be Disliked" by Fumitake Koga and Ichiro Kishimi. We elaborated on the concept of community feeling, emphasising horizontal relationships over vertical ones. The discussion highlighted the pitfalls of praise and rebuke and advocated encouragement and gratitude instead. The session also addressed the importance of contributing to the community in building self-worth and courage. Participants shared their thoughts on applying these principles in various contexts, including education and work.

Key Takeaways

  - Reject Vertical Relationships: Avoid praise and rebuke, as they create a manipulative hierarchy. Instead, establish horizontal relationships grounded in mutual respect.

  - Practice Encouragement: Replace judgment with gratitude ("Thank you") to acknowledge effort and foster courage. This affirms a person's value without creating dependency.

  - Find Belonging Through Contribution: A true sense of worth comes from feeling beneficial to the community, not from external validation.

  - Use the "Larger Community" Principle: When facing hardship, remember the world is bigger than your immediate problem. This perspective provides a refuge and prevents minor issues from becoming overwhelming.

The "Rolling Stone" Analogy

  - The session began with a reflection on the "rolling stone" analogy from the previous week's reading.

  - Meaning: A person who seeks constant validation loses their "sharp corners" (individuality) and becomes powerless, carried away by societal currents.

  - Contrast: True freedom involves standing firm and speaking up, not conforming to the herd.

"You Are Not the Centre of the World"

  - The book's core premise: while you are the protagonist of your own life, you are a member of a community, not its centre.

  - Self-Centred View: Treating others as existing to serve you (the "prince/princess" complex) leads to disillusionment and resentment when expectations are not met.

  - "Globe vs. Map" Analogy:

      - Map: A flat, subjective view with one's own location at the centre.

      - Globe: A spherical, objective view where every point is a potential centre, illustrating that no single person is the absolute centre.

  - Active Contribution: A sense of belonging is earned through active contribution, not passive presence. It requires asking, "What can I give to this person?"

The "Larger Community" Principle

  - Adler's concept of community is infinite, extending beyond immediate circles to include the entire universe.

  - Purpose: To provide a refuge when struggling in a smaller community (e.g., school, workplace).

  - Application: When facing adversity, listen to the "voice of the larger community."

      - Example: If a teacher is authoritarian, remember that in the larger community of human society, you are equals. This perspective empowers you to object to unreasonable demands.

Vertical vs. Horizontal Relationships

  - The book advocates for rejecting vertical relationships (hierarchy) in favour of horizontal relationships (equality).

  - Vertical Relationships:

      - Praise & Rebuke: Both are manipulative tools that create a hierarchy.

          - Praise: A judgment from a "superior" to an "inferior."

          - Rebuke: The "stick" to praise's "carrot."

      - Intervention: Forcing your will on another's task, driven by a belief in your own superiority.

  - Horizontal Relationships:

      - Encouragement: The alternative to praise/rebuke. It is assistance that respects task separation.

      - Gratitude: Expressing thanks ("Thank you") acknowledges effort without judgment.

          - Why it works: It allows a person to subjectively feel they are beneficial, which builds courage.

          - Contrast with Praise: Praise forces adaptation to another's values, limiting freedom.

Discussion & Application

  - Teacher-Student Dynamics: The group discussed how praise creates an unconscious vertical hierarchy in the classroom.

  - My Good School Model: The organisation was cited as an example of a horizontal structure.

      - Key Elements: Openness, accessibility, and a focus on challenging opportunities over direct praise.

      - Rationale: Providing challenging work demonstrates confidence in a person's ability, fostering internal fulfilment.

Next Steps

  - Gurdeep:

      - Share the Otter AI summary and bookmarked page in the WhatsApp group.

Freedom and the Fear of Dislike

Reading from The Courage To Be Disliked by Fumitake Koga and Ichiro Kishimi. To explore Adlerian psychology's concepts of freedom and community.

Key Takeaways

• Freedom is the courage to be disliked. It means living by your own principles, not being a "slave to inclination" (Kant) or seeking constant recognition.

• "Separation of tasks" is the tool for freedom. It defines boundaries by focusing on your own tasks (e.g., leading a horse to water) and letting go of others' outcomes (e.g., whether the horse drinks).

• Fear of judgment is self-centred. This fear stems from an "attachment to self," not concern for others. True connection requires shifting to "social interest" and seeing others as comrades.

• Adlerian psychology is "Individual Psychology" because the self is "indivisible." It rejects dualisms (e.g., mind/body, reason/emotion) and views individuals as whole, choosing their actions and emotions.

Topics

Freedom & the Courage to Be Disliked

• The universal desire for recognition (Kant's "inclination") makes one a "slave to desire."

• Analogy: A stone rolling downhill is unfree; a human resisting inclination and climbing uphill is free.

• Core Principle: Freedom is being disliked by some, as it proves you are living by your own principles.

  • Note: This is not a call to wrongdoing, but to be unconcerned by others' judgment.

• Cost of Freedom: The possibility of not being recognised.

Separation of Tasks: The Tool for Freedom

• Principle: Define clear boundaries by focusing only on your own tasks.

• Example (The Philosopher's Father):

  • Problem: A strained relationship, attributed to a childhood trauma.

  • Freudian (Aetiology) View: The trauma caused the bad relationship.

  • Adlerian (Teleology) View: The memory was used to justify not repairing the relationship.

  • Solution: The philosopher focused on his own task—resolving to repair the relationship—without expecting his father to change.

  • Outcome: The father eventually said "Thank you," showing the power of focusing on one's own actions.

Community Feeling: The Goal of Relationships

• Critique of Task Separation: The student argued that it leads to isolation.

• Philosopher's Clarification: Task separation is a starting point, not an end in itself. It untangles relationship threads to enable true connection.

• Goal of Relationships: "Community feeling," or "social interest."

  • Definition: Seeing others as comrades, finding refuge in the community, and desiring to contribute.

  • Adler's "Community": An all-inclusive ideal (past, present, future, all life) that is an "unattainable ideal" but a necessary guide.

Self-Centeredness vs. Social Interest

• Self-Centeredness: An "attachment to self" focused solely on the "I."

  • Includes: Tyrants, egotists, and those obsessed with recognition.

  • Rationale: Worrying about others' opinions is self-centred because it is a concern for how they satisfy your desire for recognition.

• Social Interest: A "concern for others" that shifts focus from self to community.

• The Dilemma: The student questioned this, arguing that the self is the natural protagonist of one's life.

Next Steps

• Sandeep Dutt: Write the Sunday newsletter, including the Good Schools Alliance's new governing council.

• All Participants:

  • Reflect on the concepts of freedom, task separation, and self-centeredness.

  • Share reflections in the WhatsApp group or request a blogger ID for the website.

  • Meet next Saturday to continue the discussion.

Freedom and Interpersonal Relationships

Read And Lead

To read and discuss Adlerian psychology concepts from The Courage to Be Disliked.

Key Takeaways

• New Reading Process: Screen-sharing the book via read.amazon.com is now standard. This ensures everyone is on the same page, eliminates the need for physical books, and improves focus.
• Adler's Three Tasks: Life's core challenges are Work, Friendship, and Love. Love is the most difficult, requiring treating partners as "equal personalities" to avoid the distrust and control that destroy relationships.
• The "Life Lie": People create excuses (e.g., disliking someone) to avoid these tasks. This is a failure of courage, not a moral flaw, and is rooted in a self-chosen lifestyle rather than past trauma (teleology vs. aetiology).
• Rejecting Recognition: Seeking external validation is a trap that forces one to live for others' expectations, suppressing one's "I-ness." True freedom comes from self-validation and the "separation of tasks."

Process Update: Screen-Sharing

• Problem: Physical books create friction (different page numbers, bookmarks, dual-screen juggling), hindering group focus and excluding participants without a copy.
• Solution: Screen-share the book via read.amazon.com.
• Rationale: This ensures everyone is on the same page, simplifies navigation, and removes the need for physical books.
• Training: Sandeep guided Gurdeep through the process, demonstrating how to use the in-browser Kindle reader and its chapter navigation menu.

Adler's Three Life Tasks

The book's core concept: life's three unavoidable interpersonal tasks.

1. Work: A relationship with no workplace compulsion.

2. Friendship: A relationship difficult to initiate or deepen.

Key Insight: Depth and distance are more valuable than the number of acquaintances.

Action: Change yourself first; others will adapt.

3. Love: The most difficult task, divided into two stages:

Love Relationships:

• Problem: The closeness of love can lead to restriction and jealousy.
• Adler's View: Restriction is a manifestation of distrust and control.
• Solution: Treat partners as "equal personalities" to foster a calm, natural state of freedom.
• Parent-Child Relationships:
• Problem: A non-optional relationship ("rigid chains") that is fundamentally harder than a love relationship ("red string").
• Action: Face distressful relationships directly; avoidance is the worst option.

The "Life Lie" & Courage

• Concept: People invent pretexts to avoid life tasks, shifting responsibility to others or the environment. Example: Disliking someone is a goal chosen before finding their flaws, as a way to prevent an interpersonal relationship.
• Rationale: This is a failure of courage, not a moral flaw.

Adlerian Psychology: A "psychology of use" (teleology), where one chooses a lifestyle, not a "psychology of possession" (aetiology) determined by the past.

The Desire for Recognition

Problem: The Youth's parents' expectations created pressure and a desire for their recognition.

Adler's View: The desire for recognition is a trap that must be denied.

Mechanism: It stems from "reward and punishment education," where one acts appropriately only for praise.

Consequence: This leads to living for others' expectations, suppressing one's "I-ness."

Solution: True freedom comes from self-validation and the "separation of tasks," a concept to be explored next.

Group Reflection

Shalini: Freedom is the absence of needing external validation.

Latha: The need for validation can stem from uncertainty, but it also creates a dependency that fuels inferiority.

Minakshi: Both inferiority and superiority complexes arise from seeking external validation. Self-validation is the key to confidence.

Sandeep: A child learns to walk alone, not for validation. This natural process is often conditioned by adult reactions.

Community Updates

Yesterday's Session: A "brewing knowledge set" session with Dr Manu Kapoor was highly successful.

Potential Collaboration: Dr Kapoor may partner with Learning Forward to improve teaching and learning systems.

Community Model: Learning Forward and the Good Schools Alliance are community-driven, with participants joining for shared purpose, not salary.

Next Steps

All: Reflect on the nature of freedom and the "separation of tasks."

All: Read the newsletter and review the show notes for the Dr Manu Kapoor video.

Group: Continue reading from the "Separation of Tasks" section next session.

Anger is a tool for power struggles, not a spontaneous emotion.

Read And Lead - Sandeep Dutt’s Masterclass 2026

Discussing Adlerian psychology on competition, anger, and life tasks.

Key Takeaways

• Life is not a competition against others; it's a pursuit of superiority over one's past self. Comparing yourself to others creates an enemy mindset, preventing genuine happiness.

• Anger is a tool for power struggles, not a spontaneous emotion. To de-escalate, disengage from provocation and use language to communicate, as anger clouds judgment and leads to poor decisions.

• All problems are interpersonal. Adler's "life tasks" (work, friendship, love) are unavoidable relationships that require courage to face. Avoiding them is the root of unhappiness.

• A "tree with solid roots" is a metaphor for resilience. It stands firm against storms (life's challenges) by being deeply rooted in its own values, embodying the "courage to be disliked."

Topics

Review of "Second Night" with a review of the session. The session began with a review of blog reflections on the "Second Night" chapter.

• Shalini Gupta's reflection: Interpersonal problems stem from comparison. A healthy feeling of inferiority (vs. an ideal self) drives improvement, while an inferiority complex (vs. others) is destructive.

• Akanksha's 10 insights (read by Shalini Singh): Key points included changing the meaning of weaknesses, understanding arrogance as pain, and recognizing that true confidence is quiet.

Life Is Not a Competition

• The group read the chapter "Life is not a competition."

• Adler's "pursuit of superiority": This is a forward-moving mindset, not a competitive one. The goal is to progress past your past self, not to be better than others.

• Equality vs. Sameness: People are not the same (in knowledge, experience, etc.) but are fundamentally equal in value.

• The "Enemy" Mindset: Competition turns others into rivals, creating a "perilous" world view. This prevents genuine celebration of others' happiness.

• The "Tree with Solid Roots" Metaphor: A tree with deep roots withstands any storm. This symbolizes the resilience gained by being rooted in one's own values, embodying the "courage to be disliked."

From Power Struggle to Revenge

• The group read the chapter "You are the only one worrying about your appearance," which details the escalation of conflict.

• Personal Anger vs. Righteous Indignation:

  • Personal Anger: A tool to make others submit.

  • Righteous Indignation: A logical response to injustice, not a personal grudge.

• The Escalation Cycle:

  1. Power Struggle: A challenge to prove dominance.

  2. Revenge: The next stage if one party "wins." The loser seeks retaliation in another form.

     • Example: A child's problem behavior (e.g., self-harm) is a goal-oriented act of revenge to upset parents, not a direct result of past trauma.

• Breaking the Cycle:

  • Disengage: Step down from power struggles immediately.

  • Use Language: Communicate logically instead of relying on anger.

  • Admit Mistakes: This is not defeat; it's a sign of strength that allows for correct choices.

The Life Tasks

• The group read the chapter "All problems are interpersonal relationship problems."

• The "Courage to be Happy": The inability to see others as comrades stems from a lack of courage to face life's tasks.

• Adler's Life Tasks: Three unavoidable categories of interpersonal relationships:

  1. Work: Relationships with the lowest hurdles, focused on a common goal. Avoiding these tasks leads to issues like NEETs (Not in Education, Employment, or Training).

  2. Friendship

  3. Love

• The Core Issue: It is not the work itself that is disagreeable, but the fear of criticism and the injury to one's dignity from others.

Next Steps

• Sandeep Dutt: Share meeting notes and recording.

• All Participants:

  • Attend the Brewing Knowledge Friday Meet and Greet with author Dr. Manu Kapoor on Friday, Nov 28, at 5:30 PM.

  • Prepare questions for Dr Kapoor, including those related to Adlerian psychology.

  • The link will be shared in the group.

Live recording Masterclass 2024 Session II

#HappyTeachers

Welcome to the first episode of season 16, where we meet Sandeep Dutt, a School Improvement Coach and the mastermind behind The Teacher's Academy at the Learning Forward India Foundation. 

Don't miss out on the Masterclass 2024, inspired by Kavita Ghosh's book "Wanted Back­Bencher Last Ranker Teacher." This unique program facilitates collaborative efforts among teachers in reading, writing, and research. By sharing real-life learning experiences, teachers create presentations that improve student learning outcomes.

Equip yourself with the tools you need to thrive through the power of reading, reflection, and building relationships. As teachers, your happiness should be a priority, and we are here to support you every step of the way. Let's embark on this journey together! (The photo used for representational purposes is from The Fabindia School, and a Professional Learning - PLP - session is in progress).

Enjoy the live recording of the session hosted on the 3rd of February, 2024.