Reflections from the Learning Forward Retreat at Dehradun

At the recent Leading Forward Retreat organised by Good School Alliance, our group came together to read and reflect on “Is Your Child Ready to Face the World?” anchored around the 3Rs: Reading, Reflection, and Relationship.

Our reflection revealed an honest thread running through the group: for many of us, reading isn’t easy. Between the demands of work and life, it’s easy to convince ourselves there just isn’t enough time for books. But sitting together and unpacking this text as a group changed that.

As educators and parents, we found ourselves agreeing on something important: reading matters for children today, perhaps more than ever. We live in a world where information is a click away, and even AI can hand us thoughtful ideas in seconds. But none of that can replace the thinking and ideas we build for ourselves through reading.

Reading builds patience. It sharpens our ability to notice the small, quiet details we’d otherwise rush past. And every so often, it hands us a single phrase that carries meaning far deeper than its words, the kind that stays with a reader long after the page is turned.

This Retreat didn’t just teach us something about children; it held up a mirror to us as readers. We’re walking away with a shared, renewed intention to read more, not just for our students, but for ourselves.

- Shewta Marolia from Sunbeam Gramin School, Varsha Banerjee from Sunbeam Lahartara, Vandana Awasthi from Aasra Trust and Sneha from The English Book Depot

Life is a Series of Moments

Masterclass:
Read together from The Courage To Be Disliked by Fumitake Koga and Ichiro Kishimi, discuss the chapter “Life is a series of moments,” and complete the conversation between the Youth and the Philosopher.

Key Takeaways

• Reject the “kinetic” life model (a linear path to a future goal) for an “energeal” one (finding fulfilment in the process itself).

• Live in the “here and now” by shining a “bright spotlight” on each moment, which makes the past and future irrelevant distractions.

• Assign your own meaning to life; it has no inherent purpose. The “guiding star” for this is the contribution to others.

• Change yourself to change your world; it’s a personal responsibility that requires courage to start, regardless of others’ cooperation.

Topics

GSA & Learning Forward Updates

• Sandeep Dutt reviewed the GSA website (schooleducation.com) to clarify the oorganisation’smission and programs.

• Mission: Personal and social development across 10 attributes (e.g., identity, communication).

• Core Belief: Schools should focus on service, skill, sport, and study.

• Programs:

  • Teachers Academy: Saturday 3 PM sessions for school faculties.

    • Cost: ₹10,000 annual donation per school.

    • Capacity: Currently serving 6 schools; can accept 1–2 more.

    • Recent Session: “Ecological Wisdom” with Project FUEL.

  • Masterclass: Saturday, 5:30 PM book club.

  • My Good School: Sunday session.

  • Brewing Knowledge Fridays: Friday session on learning and assessments.

• Resources:

  • YouTube Channel: Redesigned for more straightforward navigation.

  • Impact Study: Now live on the website.

  • Special Projects: Page updated with the Dune School Old Boys’ Society.

Recap of Last Session: Shalini Gupta summarised the key takeaway from the January 10 session:

• Disruptive behaviour, especially in children, often signals a need to be seen and heard.
• Adults can normalise abnormal behaviour by seeking superiority.
• Adlerian foundations for a healthy self: freedom, contribution, and belonging.
• True self-worth comes from contributing to the community, not from seeking recognition.

Chapter Discussion: “Life is a series of moments”

• The discussion contrasted two views of life:

  • Kinetic Life (Linear): A path to a future destination (e.g., a mountaintop).

    • Problem: The majority of life becomes a “tentative” period en route to a goal, making happiness dependent on a future outcome.

  • Energeal Life (Moment-by-Moment): A series of complete moments lived in the “here and now.”

    • Analogy: “Dancing”—the act itself is the goal, not a destination.

    • Principle: Each moment is complete and fulfilling on its own, regardless of the final outcome.

• The “Bright Spotlight” Metaphor:

  • Focusing on the past or future creates a “dim twilight” that prevents earnest living.

  • A “bright spotlight” on the present moment makes the past and future irrelevant distractions.

• Assigning Meaning:

  • Life has no inherent meaning; individuals must assign it themselves.

  • The “Guiding Star”: Contribution to others.

    • This provides a compass for a free and happy life, independent of others’ approval.

• Personal Transformation:

  • The world changes when an individual changes.

  • Analogy: Putting on glasses for the first time reveals a clear, vivid world.

  • Adler’s Advice: “Someone has to start... You should start. With no regard to whether others are cooperative or not.”

Next Steps

• All Participants:

  • Join the “My Good School” session on Sunday, January 18, featuring Karthik Bajoria.

  • Attend the final chapter reading (the afterword) on January 24, Tuesday, January 24.

• Sandeep Dutt:

  • Host a reception at the book café on Monday, January 19 (5–7 PM) for Governing Council members and guests.

• Khushi:

  • Invite Principal Srividya Ma’am to the Masterclass session.
    
    Notes courtesy: Fathom AI

Trust vs. Confidence

Read and Lead: Masterclass 2026

Reading from the book The Courage to Be Disliked and discussing Adlerian psychology on trust, confidence, and community feeling.

Key Takeaways

• Trust vs. Confidence: Trust is conditional (e.g., a bank loan), while confidence is unconditional belief. Unconditional confidence is the foundation for deep relationships, as it shifts the burden of betrayal from the believer to the betrayer.

• The Community Feeling Cycle: A virtuous cycle of self-acceptance, confidence in others, and contribution to others. Self-acceptance enables confidence, which enables contribution, which in turn reinforces self-worth and self-acceptance.

• Contribution as Self-Worth: Contribution is not self-sacrifice; it's how we realize our own worth. The goal is to feel "I am of use," which is a self-serving act that creates a positive atmosphere and invites others' participation.

• Workaholism as a "Life Lie": Workaholism is a "life lie"—an excuse to avoid other responsibilities (family, hobbies). It reflects a lack of "harmony of life" by focusing on a single task (work) and judging the whole person by it.

Topics

Trust vs. Confidence

• The discussion distinguished between trust and confidence, framing them as the foundation of relationships.

• Trust: Conditional belief based on security (e.g., a bank loan requiring collateral).

• Confidence: Unconditional belief without security.

  • This is the basis of Adlerian psychology for deep relationships.

  • It separates tasks: the believer's task is to believe; the other person's task is whether to betray.

  • The goal is to build relationships, not to be naive.

• The Danger of Doubt: A foundation of doubt creates a self-fulfilling prophecy, where one finds "evidence" to confirm pre-existing suspicions.

The Community Feeling Cycle

• The three key concepts form a circular, interdependent structure for achieving a sense of belonging.

• 1. Self-Acceptance: Accepting oneself "just as one is."

• 2. Confidence in Others: Unconditional belief, which shifts one's view of others from enemies to comrades.

• 3. Contribution to Others: Action taken for the community.

  • This is not self-sacrifice; it is how one realizes personal worth by feeling "I am of use."

  • Example: Washing dishes with joy creates a positive atmosphere that invites help, unlike grumbling, which pushes people away.

Workaholism as a "Life Lie"

• Workaholism was presented as a "life lie"—an excuse to avoid other responsibilities (family, hobbies).

• It reflects a lack of "harmony of life," where one focuses on a single task (work) and judges the whole person by it.

• The 10-Person Rule: In any group of 10, one person will dislike you, two will be close friends, and seven will be neutral. A lack of harmony means focusing only on the one person who dislikes you.

• Stammering Example: Stammering is not the root problem; it is a symptom of self-consciousness and a lack of harmony, where one focuses on the single person who might mock them.

Q&A: Adaptability and Change

• Khushie asked why Adlerian psychology suggests it takes 20 years for a 40-year-old to change vs. 10 years for a 20-year-old.

• Reason: Younger people are more adaptable and have not yet developed rigid patterns.

  • Analogy: Soft clay is easier to mold than hardened clay.

  • Analogy: Digital natives learn new tech faster than older generations.

Next Steps

• Khushie: Post remaining questions in the WhatsApp group to invite discussion from the entire group.

• Shalini: Share the intended comment via WhatsApp voice note due to poor audio quality during the meeting.

Anger is a tool for power struggles, not a spontaneous emotion.

Read And Lead - Sandeep Dutt’s Masterclass 2026

Discussing Adlerian psychology on competition, anger, and life tasks.

Key Takeaways

• Life is not a competition against others; it's a pursuit of superiority over one's past self. Comparing yourself to others creates an enemy mindset, preventing genuine happiness.

• Anger is a tool for power struggles, not a spontaneous emotion. To de-escalate, disengage from provocation and use language to communicate, as anger clouds judgment and leads to poor decisions.

• All problems are interpersonal. Adler's "life tasks" (work, friendship, love) are unavoidable relationships that require courage to face. Avoiding them is the root of unhappiness.

• A "tree with solid roots" is a metaphor for resilience. It stands firm against storms (life's challenges) by being deeply rooted in its own values, embodying the "courage to be disliked."

Topics

Review of "Second Night" with a review of the session. The session began with a review of blog reflections on the "Second Night" chapter.

• Shalini Gupta's reflection: Interpersonal problems stem from comparison. A healthy feeling of inferiority (vs. an ideal self) drives improvement, while an inferiority complex (vs. others) is destructive.

• Akanksha's 10 insights (read by Shalini Singh): Key points included changing the meaning of weaknesses, understanding arrogance as pain, and recognizing that true confidence is quiet.

Life Is Not a Competition

• The group read the chapter "Life is not a competition."

• Adler's "pursuit of superiority": This is a forward-moving mindset, not a competitive one. The goal is to progress past your past self, not to be better than others.

• Equality vs. Sameness: People are not the same (in knowledge, experience, etc.) but are fundamentally equal in value.

• The "Enemy" Mindset: Competition turns others into rivals, creating a "perilous" world view. This prevents genuine celebration of others' happiness.

• The "Tree with Solid Roots" Metaphor: A tree with deep roots withstands any storm. This symbolizes the resilience gained by being rooted in one's own values, embodying the "courage to be disliked."

From Power Struggle to Revenge

• The group read the chapter "You are the only one worrying about your appearance," which details the escalation of conflict.

• Personal Anger vs. Righteous Indignation:

  • Personal Anger: A tool to make others submit.

  • Righteous Indignation: A logical response to injustice, not a personal grudge.

• The Escalation Cycle:

  1. Power Struggle: A challenge to prove dominance.

  2. Revenge: The next stage if one party "wins." The loser seeks retaliation in another form.

     • Example: A child's problem behavior (e.g., self-harm) is a goal-oriented act of revenge to upset parents, not a direct result of past trauma.

• Breaking the Cycle:

  • Disengage: Step down from power struggles immediately.

  • Use Language: Communicate logically instead of relying on anger.

  • Admit Mistakes: This is not defeat; it's a sign of strength that allows for correct choices.

The Life Tasks

• The group read the chapter "All problems are interpersonal relationship problems."

• The "Courage to be Happy": The inability to see others as comrades stems from a lack of courage to face life's tasks.

• Adler's Life Tasks: Three unavoidable categories of interpersonal relationships:

  1. Work: Relationships with the lowest hurdles, focused on a common goal. Avoiding these tasks leads to issues like NEETs (Not in Education, Employment, or Training).

  2. Friendship

  3. Love

• The Core Issue: It is not the work itself that is disagreeable, but the fear of criticism and the injury to one's dignity from others.

Next Steps

• Sandeep Dutt: Share meeting notes and recording.

• All Participants:

  • Attend the Brewing Knowledge Friday Meet and Greet with author Dr. Manu Kapoor on Friday, Nov 28, at 5:30 PM.

  • Prepare questions for Dr Kapoor, including those related to Adlerian psychology.

  • The link will be shared in the group.