The 5 Stages of Problem Behaviour

Masterclass with Sandeep Dutt 

To analyse the five stages of problem behaviour from The Courage to be Happy by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga.

Key Takeaways

• Problem behaviour escalates through 5 stages, each driven by a goal to secure a “special position” and rooted in a “love-starved” feeling.

• Rebuke is ineffective; it often reinforces the behaviour by fulfilling the student’s goal of being recognised, even when it’s negative.

• Intervention must match the stage: early stages respond to respect, while late stages require professional help.

• The teacher’s role is critical for prevention, as most problem behaviour stops at Stage 3 (Power Struggle).

Topics

The 5 Stages of Problem Behaviour

• Stage 1: Demand for Admiration

  • Goal: Gain praise and a privileged position.

  • Behaviour: Acting as the “good child” or “honour student.”

  • Risk: Motivation collapses without praise, leading to cheating.

  • Intervention: Show respect to convey inherent worth, focusing on small, everyday details.

• Stage 2: Attention Drawing

  • Goal: Stand out by any means when praise fails.

  • Behaviour:

    • Assertive: Mischief (e.g., noise, ridiculing) to be a “class clown.”

    • Passive: Dramatic drop in achievement (e.g., forgetting, crying).

  • Rationale: Prefers negative attention (rebuke) to being ignored.

  • Intervention: Convey worth through respect; this is the last stage where direct teacher intervention is effective.

• Stage 3: Power Struggle

  • Goal: Prove might through open resistance and disobedience.

  • Behaviour: Provocation, foul language, rule-breaking, or passive refusal to engage.

  • Teacher’s Trap: Reacting with anger creates a “racket of anger” that escalates the conflict.

  • Intervention: Get off the “court” immediately by refusing to engage in the power struggle.

• Stage 4: Revenge

  • Goal: Seek “love’s revenge” on those who wouldn’t provide love; seeks connection through hate.

  • Behaviour: Repeating disliked actions, stalking, self-harm, or social withdrawal.

  • Rationale: Accuses others (“it’s your fault”) and finds success in their worry.

  • Intervention: Requires an impartial third party (another teacher, parent, specialist) because the student will escalate behaviour with the original teacher.

• Stage 5: Proof of Incompetence

  • Goal: Announce incompetence to avoid further hurt and disappointment.

  • Behaviour: Despair, self-deprecation, lethargy, and rejection of all assignments.

  • Rationale: “Don’t expect anything from me.”

  • Intervention: Requires a specialist. This stage is difficult to reverse, even for professionals.

The Ineffectiveness of Rebuke

• The Cycle: Rebuke provides only temporary quiet. The teacher must constantly yell, proving that it is an ineffective educational tool.

• The Paradox: Problem behaviour often implies a wish to be rebuked, as it fulfils the goal of being recognised as “special.”

• The Deterrent Fallacy: Punishment fails as a deterrent in education because the student’s underlying goal is to be noticed, making the punishment itself a form of reward.

Next Steps

• All Participants:

  • Read the chapter “War vs Peace” from Wanted Backbencher Last Ranker Teacher by Kavita Ghosh.

• Sandeep Dutt:

  • Continue reading The Courage to be Happy on March 28, 2026 - VIOLENCE IN THE NAME OF COMMUNICATION

FATHOM AI-generated summary, read with care.

Anger is a tool for power struggles, not a spontaneous emotion.

Read And Lead - Sandeep Dutt’s Masterclass 2026

Discussing Adlerian psychology on competition, anger, and life tasks.

Key Takeaways

• Life is not a competition against others; it's a pursuit of superiority over one's past self. Comparing yourself to others creates an enemy mindset, preventing genuine happiness.

• Anger is a tool for power struggles, not a spontaneous emotion. To de-escalate, disengage from provocation and use language to communicate, as anger clouds judgment and leads to poor decisions.

• All problems are interpersonal. Adler's "life tasks" (work, friendship, love) are unavoidable relationships that require courage to face. Avoiding them is the root of unhappiness.

• A "tree with solid roots" is a metaphor for resilience. It stands firm against storms (life's challenges) by being deeply rooted in its own values, embodying the "courage to be disliked."

Topics

Review of "Second Night" with a review of the session. The session began with a review of blog reflections on the "Second Night" chapter.

• Shalini Gupta's reflection: Interpersonal problems stem from comparison. A healthy feeling of inferiority (vs. an ideal self) drives improvement, while an inferiority complex (vs. others) is destructive.

• Akanksha's 10 insights (read by Shalini Singh): Key points included changing the meaning of weaknesses, understanding arrogance as pain, and recognizing that true confidence is quiet.

Life Is Not a Competition

• The group read the chapter "Life is not a competition."

• Adler's "pursuit of superiority": This is a forward-moving mindset, not a competitive one. The goal is to progress past your past self, not to be better than others.

• Equality vs. Sameness: People are not the same (in knowledge, experience, etc.) but are fundamentally equal in value.

• The "Enemy" Mindset: Competition turns others into rivals, creating a "perilous" world view. This prevents genuine celebration of others' happiness.

• The "Tree with Solid Roots" Metaphor: A tree with deep roots withstands any storm. This symbolizes the resilience gained by being rooted in one's own values, embodying the "courage to be disliked."

From Power Struggle to Revenge

• The group read the chapter "You are the only one worrying about your appearance," which details the escalation of conflict.

• Personal Anger vs. Righteous Indignation:

  • Personal Anger: A tool to make others submit.

  • Righteous Indignation: A logical response to injustice, not a personal grudge.

• The Escalation Cycle:

  1. Power Struggle: A challenge to prove dominance.

  2. Revenge: The next stage if one party "wins." The loser seeks retaliation in another form.

     • Example: A child's problem behavior (e.g., self-harm) is a goal-oriented act of revenge to upset parents, not a direct result of past trauma.

• Breaking the Cycle:

  • Disengage: Step down from power struggles immediately.

  • Use Language: Communicate logically instead of relying on anger.

  • Admit Mistakes: This is not defeat; it's a sign of strength that allows for correct choices.

The Life Tasks

• The group read the chapter "All problems are interpersonal relationship problems."

• The "Courage to be Happy": The inability to see others as comrades stems from a lack of courage to face life's tasks.

• Adler's Life Tasks: Three unavoidable categories of interpersonal relationships:

  1. Work: Relationships with the lowest hurdles, focused on a common goal. Avoiding these tasks leads to issues like NEETs (Not in Education, Employment, or Training).

  2. Friendship

  3. Love

• The Core Issue: It is not the work itself that is disagreeable, but the fear of criticism and the injury to one's dignity from others.

Next Steps

• Sandeep Dutt: Share meeting notes and recording.

• All Participants:

  • Attend the Brewing Knowledge Friday Meet and Greet with author Dr. Manu Kapoor on Friday, Nov 28, at 5:30 PM.

  • Prepare questions for Dr Kapoor, including those related to Adlerian psychology.

  • The link will be shared in the group.