Passive Love & Self-Centeredness vs Active Love & Self-Reliance

 

Masterclass with Sandeep Dutt

To explore Adlerian philosophy on love, self-reliance, and community feeling. Reading “The Courage To Be Happy” by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga.

Key Takeaways

• Love is an active “art of loving,” not a passive emotion. It’s a task for two people to build an inseparable “us,” a concept distinct from self-interest (“me”) or other-interest (“you”).

• Self-reliance is breaking away from self-centeredness. This means shedding the “pampered child” mindset of using weakness to manipulate others, and instead embracing a sense of community.

• Happiness is a subjective “feeling of contribution.” This sense of being useful to someone provides a true awareness of one’s worth and belonging.

• Adlerian concepts are interconnected. Love enables self-reliance, which, in turn, fosters a sense of community—the core of a happy life.

Topics

The Problem: Passive Love & Self-Centeredness

• “Falling in love” is a passive emotion driven by a desire to possess, like a material object. This is a temporary state, not the active, sustained effort required for true love.

• Self-centeredness is a default human state.

  • As infants, we are “dictators” who use weakness (crying) to control adults and ensure survival.

  • Many adults remain “pampered children,” using their weakness or trauma as a weapon to manipulate others.

The Solution: Active Love & Self-Reliance

• Love is an active “art of loving” (per Adler and Erich Fromm), not an art of being loved. It is a difficult, conscious task.

• Love is a task two people undertake to build an “inseparable us.”

  • This “us” is a new subject of life, superseding individual happiness.

  • Work relationships: Driven by self-interest (“my happiness”).

  • Friend relationships: Driven by other-interest (“your happiness”).

  • Love relationships: Driven by the happiness of the “us.”

• Self-reliance is breaking away from self-centeredness.

  • This liberation from the “me” mindset is what allows for true love and acceptance of the world.

  • It is the core goal of education in Adlerian psychology.

The Outcome: Happiness & Community Feeling

• Happiness is a “feeling of contribution.”

  • It’s a subjective sense of usefulness to someone that provides a true awareness of one’s worth and belonging.

  • This feeling is developed through work and friendships.

• Adlerian concepts are interconnected:

  • Love → Liberation from “me” → Self-reliance → Community feeling.

  • The “us” of a couple expands to the entire community and human race.

The Teachers Academy Updates

• Recent Sessions:

  • “Right vs. Wrong: Handling Teenage Challenges”

  • “Using AI to Identify Out-of-School Girls” (book: Every Last Girl)

• New Onboardings: Satguru International School and John Martyn Memorial School.

• Upcoming Events:

  • Sunday School with Kartik sir (Mental Health) and Brinda Mam (book reading).

  • 10 retreats in Dehradun and 10 national workshops planned.

Next Steps

• Manisha: Publish Pushpendra’s video blog today.

• All Interns: Review Pushpendra’s blog and reflect on its connection to today’s session on love.

• All Participants:

  • Join Sunday School.

  • Read The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm.

  • Suggest books for future masterclasses.

• Sandeep: Continue reading the book on May 23, 2026.

FATHOM AI-generated notes.

Learning Forward Saturday

ACTION ITEMS ✨

Run wrapper-label activity w/ Class 4; report to Neelashi next session

- Gulabee (2)

Run shop activity w/ Class 4; share photos w/ Neelashi

- Mamata devi

Run shop activity w/ Class 1; share photos w/ Neelashi

- Saroj

MEETING SUMMARY ✨

Review recent teaching experiences and introduce a new, immersive activity.

Key Takeaways

Active learning is effective: Teachers shared successful activities using manipulatives (math balls), real-world objects (English wrappers), and spontaneous "teacher moments" (a butterfly for Hindi).

Behaviour management requires empathy: understanding a child's home environment (e.g., a grandfather's language) is key to addressing disruptive behaviour constructively rather than through punishment.

"The Shop" activity integrates subjects: A new role-play activity was introduced to teach math (money), English (vocabulary), and Hindi (writing) through a single, engaging experience.

Topics

Weekly Activity Review

Teachers shared recent successes, highlighting the power of active learning.

- Gulabee (Class 4, English)

Activity: Collected wrappers to list product info (price, dates, slogan).

Insight: A disruptive Class 1 student was using language learned from a grandfather. The teacher's empathetic response fostered cooperation.

- Mamata (Hindi)

Activity: Used a live butterfly ("Titalia") to teach a poem, turning a spontaneous moment into a lesson on observation and vocabulary.

- Sunita (Class 1, English & UKG, Math)

English: Used animal masks and role-play to teach vocabulary and movement.

Math: Used balls as manipulatives to teach number concepts (e.g., 3 + 2 = 5), proving more effective than abstract methods.

- Saroj (KG)

Insight: A student memorised a complex Sanskrit slogan, demonstrating a high level of observation and active learning.

Behaviour Management & Teacher Role

• Circle Time: A strategy was introduced to address misbehaviour by asking, "Why did you do it?" This prompts reflection and respect, shifting the dynamic from punishment to understanding.
• Teacher as Facilitator: The teacher's role is to guide students, not just deliver content. This was demonstrated by Sunita's "What's in my hand?" game, which built student engagement and observation skills.

New Activity: "The Shop"

A multi-day role-play activity was introduced to integrate subjects through a fun, real-world scenario.

Setup (Days 1–4):

Students bring simple, inexpensive items from home (e.g., kitchen utensils, toys).

Students form groups to set up "shops" with their items.

Role-Play (Day 5):

Each student receives play money (e.g., ₹50).

Students act as customers and shopkeepers, negotiating prices and making purchases.

Learning Outcomes:

• Math: Money management, addition, subtraction.
• English: Vocabulary ("How much?"), singular/plural ("a ball" vs. "two balls").
• Hindi: Writing and drawing about the shopping experience.
• Teacher Role: Facilitate the activity, guide interactions, and ensure learning objectives are met.

Next Steps

• All Teachers: Implement "The Shop" activity this week.
• All Teachers: Share photos and experiences from the activity in the next session.
• Gulabee: Report back on the wrapper-collecting activity.
• Rahima: Test the "What's in my hand?" game.

Happy Teachers' Day - Manish Jaiswal

The birth date of the second President of India, Sarvepalli Radhakrishnan, 5 September, is

celebrated as Teachers' Day since 1962, the year when Dr Radhakrishnan assumed the post of the President of India.

He was the country's former President, scholar, philosopher and Bharat Ratna awardee.

Teachers' Day is actually a celebration to acknowledge the hardship, challenges and the unparalleled role that the teachers play in our lives.

On this day, teachers and students report to school as usual but the usual activities and classes are replaced by activities of celebration, thanks and remembrance.

Qualities of teacher towards students

Sensitive 

Responsible

Forvision

Punctual

Inspiring/Motivating.

Qualities of a student towards teacher

Attentive

Disciplined

Active

Ready to follow

Hard work

Eager to learn

No doubt, a teacher always saves the effort of a student in gaining success.

We should always follow the teachings of our teacher because the teacher has already gone through the way at which we want to run.

Using his experience we can protect our self from unnecessary failures or daily encountering confusions in our daily mode of working.

By following our teacher our destination seems to be more near in less course of time without the wastage of our efforts.

Manish Jaiswal 

The Fabindia School

mjl@fabindiaschools.in

International Youth Day - Prerna Rathod

Every year on 12th August,” United Nations International Youth Day” is celebrated  to recognize

efforts of the world’s youth in enhancing global society. The main aim is to promote different ways to encourage them in becoming more active in making positive contributions towards society.

The youth of the age group between 15 to 24 years fall in this category. Youth form one-sixth of the population of the world. Young people proposed the idea for International Youth Day in 1991. In 1998, a resolution was passed to recognize 12th August as International Youth Day. It was later endorsed by the UN General Assembly in 1999. The first International Youth Day was observed in 2000.

It is aimed to bring everyone’s attention to youth issues all over the world. The slogans and themes used during the previous years are as follows – Mental Health (2014), Youth and Civic Engagement (2015), The Road to 2030- Eradicating Poverty and Achieving Sustainable Consumption and Production (2016), Youth Building Peace (2017), Safe Spaces for Youth (2018), Transforming Education (2019).

On this day different activities and events are held. For example, conferences are held where different speakers from various countries and fields encourage and motivate youth. Debates and discussions and award ceremonies are also held. In 2018 and 2019 International Youth Day was hosted by Indian Youth Café, Chennai. The event has its own speciality in empowering the youth.

For 2020, the theme is “Youth Engagement for Global Action”. It aims to highlight different ways of engagement of young people at the local, national and global levels and enrich multilateral institutions and processes, as well as draw lessons on how their representation and engagement in formal institutional politics can be enhanced. The government also wants help from youth in helping to create awareness among people regarding Covid-19. This will help to save all people especially the youth in being victims to Covid-19.

Prerna Rathod

The Fabindia School

prd@fabindiaschools.in

Responsibility and Cooperation - Innovators BHIS

Taking responsibility for oneself is by definition an act of kindness.  -Sharon Salzberg 

Vraj, a student of grade 7, was the most active child in the class. He could not contain his energy and was simply unable to sit anywhere, at a stretch, even for a little while. The teachers were at their wit’s end, as they attempted to make Vraj focus in classwork. It seemed there was nothing that could calm him down during the class hours. The class monitors always had his name in the trouble makers’ list. Despite the warnings, nothing made him behave well in class.

His peer, Rahul, was a complete contrast.

     

Rahul, a specially challenged child was timid, quiet and sat in one corner of the class, the whole day. Other students, including Vraj, often bullied him. Some were not even willing to go near Rahul, leave alone help him cope with the class. A unique idea struck the class teacher and she announced in the class that she knew Vraj to be a responsible child, who could be trusted upon to help Rahul study in class. Saying this, she changed Vraj’s place and made him sit beside Rahul. She gave Vraj the responsibility of helping his buddy Rahul with all the class notes and finishing his work on time. Vraj felt very strange at this decision of the teacher as he had never thought that any teacher could ever find him capable of shouldering responsibility! 

Vraj was determined to put his heart and soul to prove that the teacher had made the right decision! He realised that in order to help Rahul, he too had to focus on the classes. He became very serious about school, dutifully sat beside Rahul every day, and ensured that he had completed his own work before he could begin to help his buddy. Rahul too started co-operating with Vraj and tried his best to grasp how he could work in class. All the teachers noticed the sea change that had come over the boys and appreciated them a lot. This further encouraged them to work harder! On seeing that both Vraj and Rahul were being appreciated for taking up responsibility and co-operating with each other, their classmates unconsciously co-operated with them to do better. The bond between the classmates was enhanced. The teachers were proud of the huge change that they noticed in the class. Responsibility successfully changed the personality of a child for the better and they also learn co-operated with each other in the process.

Innovators @ Billabong High International School, Thane
 - Bhumi Punjabi, Vaishali Phatak, Krishnakshi RaviShankor, Smita Bhobate

Be Active & Focus on Your Goals - Bharti Rao

Today I would like to share my views on “Be Active & Focus on Your Goals” through the story.

 "Lions never bother about the flies”. Flies are flies. They don't spare anyone, not even the king of the jungle. And these flies bother the king, especially when, it is just sitting and doing nothing. But lions are just not bothered about them. They will simply lift their tail once in a while, swing it this way or that way, to make the flies, fly away and then just forget about them.

Just imagine, what will happen if a lion decides to teach a lesson to these troublesome flies by trying to catch them and then kill them. Obviously, firstly he will have to forget that he is a king; instead, he would need to act like a monkey and then just run after these flies to catch them and kill them. Will he ever be able to do so? Of course not. Why? Because most of the flies are near its tail and hence if the lion has to catch these flies, he will need to reach his head closer to his tail, which obviously he cannot. And even if he could do that, he would still not be able to catch the flies because of the unique shape of its head and mouth. So in case if a lion decides to kill the flies, he will keep running in circles, going round and round, reach nowhere, start looking funny and finally collapse out of frustration.

Sometimes, this is what exactly happens in our lives too. There are so many small things (flies) happening in our life and bothering us. And what do we do? We forget as to what our life goal is, instead we start wasting our time and energy on them. In the end, we miss our goal, reach nowhere, and finally collapse out of frustration, because it is just not possible to catch those flies.

Remember, these flies bother the lion, only when he is lying dormant. But when the lion is in action, up and running, these flies do not come anywhere close to the lion and they can't also. So, just be aware of the fact that flies do bother a lion, but only when he is sitting idle, dormant and in an inactive state. But when he is active, up and running, the flies never come close to him. Therefore, remain fully active, focused on your goal and these small problems (flies) will stop troubling you and you will be able to realize your main goal. And always remember, "Lions never bother about the flies"

Bharti Rao

The Fabindia School